Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Skippy Peanut Butter is to Scorched Earth, as Pants are to the South

If you feel the need to email me about this post, I've added a link to the right for your enjoyment. Otherwise, just email me here.

I hope you appreciate my SAT analogy for the title of this post. If you don't understand the relationship, you sure will once you read the post.

I'm not sure why this is my first consecutive post about cleaning clothes since it's far from any of my favorite activities and everyone knows I'm not the best at it, but after having some peanut butter on celery and somehow getting PB on my slacks as I always do, it got me wondering if I'm the only person out there who always makes some sort of stain on the same clothes no matter where I am or what I'm eating/drinking with those clothes on.

I have this one pair of navy blue slacks that I'll wear to work. Now each day I usually have a mid-morning snack of PB and celery or something light along that line, and without fail these pants and only these pants show everyone what part of the PB didn't get into my mouth. Maybe it's the color of the pants, maybe it's because I've been eating Skippy brand PB for a year or so after enjoying JIF for a long time. Who knows? Not to get too graphic, but you're mature enough now to handle this type of literature - The pants will always show a white patch or two from the peanut butter.

Where do these patches come from? I'm not using my pants as a napkin and I eat over my desk so it gets all the crumbs and nastiness that comes from the peanut butter. After finishing my snack and cleaning everything off, I will walk to the kitchen down the hall to wash the knife and my hands, only to look down and see the unstoppable PB marks. Adding some water to the patches doesn't make them as obvious for the rest of the day, but the pants usually take an emergency trip to the dry cleaners.

I can't be the only person who has this happen to them. In fact, some of my friends always get coffee on themselves anytime they wear any sort of white clothing. No matter the time, no matter the place, if my friends are wearing white, some amount of coffee will find its way onto their clothes.

I've been told to look into some of those stainguard Dockers pants and other brands out there, but I don't believe they can stop the PB from leaving a path of destruction everytime I open the jar and wear navy blue slacks.

Mid-morning PB is General Sherman's Scorched Earth with my pants playing the part of the South.

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