What is up with the sun? I mean really, am I the only one who thinks it has been on this epic power trip for too long? Sure it heats the earth, helps with photosynthesis, gives some people nice tans or makes them look like lobsters, is incredibly crucial in the water cycle, the cycle of life, and many other cycles like bicycles and unicycles. But what else does it do for us? We're trapped in its gravitational pull and we have no say about that. What if we wanted to take a weekend trip to another solar system or galaxy? There's no vacation time allotted for that. It controls our daily activities, when we go to sleep, and even what we wear thanks to its weather control. Maybe earth needs to take a sabbatical to get away from that huge star and just see what else is out there. It can't hurt right? One of the best ways to find out how important something is to you is to take a break and see if you miss it. Where's the harm in that?
The sun hasn't always been so nice to us anyway. What about those solar flares that interrupt your cable and satellite TV? Does the sun ever apologize for making me miss reruns of Saved by the Bell (SBTB) in 10 second intervals? No! Of course it NEVER interrupts SBTB the New Class reruns. If that happened, I would never have to write a column as ridiculous as this one. Stupid sun.
Don't forget everyone's favorite driving challenge - Sun Glare. Since we've agreed to work on the sun's timetable everyday, could it at least not shine so brightly while we're driving to and from work? Look, we're following your lead, so the least you could do is make our drive a little safer by not blinding us. We know you're there and acknowledge your presence all the time, but when we drive, can you just turn the wattage down a bit?
We're not the only ones with a right to complain about the sun. What about the dinosaurs? The sun didn't exactly stop a huge rock from hitting Mexico that blanketed the atmosphere with dust and dirt and killed all of them. Sure, I know what you're saying, if we have no sunlight, we'll die just like the dinosaurs. Well, that's a very valid point, but we just have to create an alternate light source that does all of the sun's good things for us and then we can checkout the rest of space.
Am I asking that we never come back to this solar system and get stuck in the sun's gravitational pull again? No, but I wouldn't mind taking a little break from the sun. It's on a power trip and needs a time-out in the corner while we explore aliens, space junk, chubaca, and new recruits for college basketball.
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