Thursday, March 16, 2006

Pants Around The Ankles Motion Detector

Achtung! What you're about to read is based on a true story. It is not for the faint of heart, nor those without a sense of humor for a very awkward quandry. No animals were hurt. Do not try this at home.

I'd appreciate it if I didn't have to think about this with each bathroom visit.

There's a semi-public bathroom that 1/2 of the population is allowed to frequent a few times a day around these parts. Overnight, the lights are turned off and a motion detector is reset until the morning. When morning arrives, the bathroom is dark until someone enters to trip the detector into temporarily turning on the lights.

When do you make your move?

On several mornings, a (tall, dark, and handsome I might add) man would enter said bathroom, trip the detector, and go forward with his "business". However, a few times his business has taken a little longer than the motion detector's creator intended. After sitting for two minutes, he hears three beeps (which he has learned (because it has happened so often) is a 25-second warning of the unimaginable) letting him know the lights are about to turn off. It's impossible for him to trip the detector from the stall or be ready to go in the 25 seconds - so the fun begins.

It's like a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book except you actually deal with the consequences.

With the lights out he faces a dilemma of epic proprotions. Does he (A) get up from the toilet, open the door, walk out with his pants around his ankles, frantically waving at the detector 3 feet away?...Or...Does he (B) attempt a quick cleanup (in the dark no less), hike up his pants, open the door to calmly alert the detector to the need of more light? If he choses option A, he risks having someone open the door to the bathroom at the same time he's putting on a show. If he chooses option B, he's literally "covered" if someone walks in at the same time he's alerting the detector, but he takes a grave risk in having a poor temporary cleanup.

When you're done laughing, tell me what would you do?


MappyB said...

I would push the door open. The same thing happens to me at work here. In the office, when I'm by myself, my desk is not in view of the detector. So it goes off all the time. People come in commenting on how I am working in the dark.

You, I mean, said man, should push the door open.

disregod said...

What I would do is begin a vigorous training regimine to prepare you for this situation. While in the comfort of you home, where embarassment potential is low(er) close your eyes for ever increasing periods of time. That would enable you to be more confident in this situation. It also might be helpful in public restrooms where there is a lightswitch by the door. In order to save the whales, rain forests, ozone layer, and possibly even keep some of those adorable big brown eyed baby seals from being clubbed, I have made it a habit to turn lights off behind me in publick rest rooms. On more than one occasion I have turned the light out, and then realized that there was still a person occupying another stall. Had I not realized this, the results could have been disasterous for the unlucky occupant. After training, you would be able to handle these situations with no problem as well.