Monday, April 17, 2006

Umbrellas Need Licenses Too

I use the SUV of umbrellas - a golf umbrella. This umbrella is incredibly large and impossible to miss. I enjoy having more than enough protection from the rain and feel more confident in the wind than those flimsy pocket/compact umbrellas. Unlike many an SUV driver, I do not carelessly travel with my SUV Umbrella (SUVU) and not regard my fellow walkers' space. Just because you have an SUV or SUVU does not mean you have free reign to bully and push others out of the way. I'm not ashamed of my extravagance and don't take advantage of its power other than keeping me (and three other adults) dry.

So many many chances to lose an eye.

My umbrella's size guarantees a win in any head-on collision with a pocket umbrella, but I don't seek out contact. When I walk by one of those compact umbrellas, I make it a point to raise my umbrella to avoid such collisions. If there's a chance my SUVU will run into another person/umbrella, I immediately lift it above the crowd (sacrificing my dryness) and keep moving without issue. So how come those with smaller umbrellas can't do the same? I tend to be at eye-level with many umbrellas so it's a constant game of chicken between my eyesight and the umbrella's user. Unfortunately for me, the umbrella usually doesn't know that it's playing chicken so I always have to bail at the last moment. Just because it's a large umbrella doesn't mean you shouldn't care about the person underneath. I'd rather not live in fear of losing my eyesight everyday it rains.

SUVUs never act "up" like this.

Like an SUV at a gas station, my SUVU does have it drawbacks. Since I am considerate of fellow umbrella-ers, a crowded street means my SUVU can't be lowered to its normal height until its clear. Also, when I lift and tilt my SUVU around other umbrella-ers, I run the risk of dumping a tremendous amount of water on my head (and those around me) because of its size and high center of gravity. If everyone was more cognizant of their umbrella's height in relation to a passerby's eye-line and took the slightest step in the other direction, we won't have to live in a world that sacrifices dryness for a stranger's vision.

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