It's Time For Apocalyptic Snowfall!

We're supposed to get some snowflakes later today and through the night. About 2-4" when things stop tomorrow morning so it's not much. Of course, the season's first snowfall means it's not only time to get your shovels out of the shed, but also for news directors and producers to "blow" everything out of proportion for higher ratings, not to menton (so I will) lots of stupid banter between anchors and weatherpeople.

Since it's a 1/3", a reporter MUST say it's a treacherous walk since any snow is dangerous.

This is a weak system, yet we'll still be told from Stormcenter or Stormbase or Storm Headquarters that the storm team or stormwatch or storm alert is watching or out on patrol or blanketing (oh those news directors are so funny!) the area to cover this snowfall event or major activity or solid disturbance and use the Live Duel Double Doppler Millennium Falcon 3-D Tracking XT 3000 Delta Radar. Like opening up a new present, I can't wait to see what every station calls its "thingy". Radar titles are winter's TV station pissing contest.

I love irony.

All the while telling us they'll give the "latest information you need to know". Gee, really thanks for not telling me old news that I don't care about...and for already assuming you know what I want to hear, but nevermind that, you just go ahead. It's really the viewer's fault for relying on TV for local news since he/she knows what he/she is getting with them, or is it that TV news departments know what you're going to get because they know what "news you need to know" so you're getting what you should get, but just didn't know it yet?

Awww how sweet...an anchor actually had to write her own material.

Even the DC area handles a system of this size with ease, so let's save all the hyperbole and shots of reporters walking through snow (if only for us to laugh at while we're warm inside our homes) for storms with a minimum total of 7".

Who's the genius that came up with this idea?

Depending on my workday carpooling route, I swing over the Key Bridge into Rosslyn. Amid wild bikers and pedestrians who think they're safe when they cross anywhere, but the crosswalk, is an annoyingly-placed Rosslyn map. It's about 5-feet tall and 2.5-feet wide with an overview of Rosslyn's main streets. While I'm sure it helps out-of-towners (though I've never seen someone look at it), its location at North Nash Street and Wilson Boulevard couldn't be worse.

Thanks to Google Maps, you too can see the intersection in all of its glory. Since the right onto Wilson is a yield and you look down Wilson for other cars, people, bikers, and oompa-loompas, you're blocked from seeing everything because of the sign. When checking the leftside of the intersection, I have to look left of the sign and then quickly to the right (of the sign) and assume I didn't miss anyone blocked behind it in the center. It does so well at challenging turning drivers that I think someone in the DOT placed it there at that angle on purpose. It's impossible to accidently position an obstacle like this when it's so good at blocking the view on the left.

So that's why it's called a window pane

Late last month, Timothy Durfield broke into a Concord, New Hampshire hair salon looking for what I'd expect to only be money (unless he was going to steal shampoo and sell it). When the police showed up, he tried diving through a window, only to get stuck and cut himself on the broken glass. He was cuffed after firefighters got him out of the 9-by-15-inch frame. (Thanks for the link Eric.)

Despite this entry's title, a window's "pane" originated from "[Middle English, section, pane of glass, from Old French pan, piece of cloth, panel, from Latin pannus, cloth. See pan- in Indo-European Roots.]", and not some idiot criminal who felt pain from a pane.

I Need Edward Scissorhands

It has almost been two months since my last haircut and it really shows. The last cut was a bit on the short side, but now my hair is way over the long side. The sideburns are getting a little out of control, though they're not the worst of the chaos. They can easily be trimmed to buy me some time, but the rest of my hornet's nest is on its own. I'm thankful for the hair I still have on my head, but when it gets like this, not even I can appreciate it.

Not having internal organs, a nervous system, nor a conscience is fine with me since I never need a haircut.

No amount of styling gel can overcome the random cowlicks each day. There's already so much of it in my hair that my hair feels like plastic. It's as if my hair was taken from redheaded Ken (of Ken and Barbie fame). Plus, since my hair is curly, I always have a Superman-esque curl in the front so its abundently clear my folicles have run amok. I could go really short (2.5 on the top, 1.5 on the sides) with my next cut so this topic won't be revisited for another three months, or I could just get my haircut on time instead of putting it off for an extra three weeks like I have and gain no advantage.

You mean it's extra for my manicure? That's discrimination!

I have found one person in the DC area who I trust with my haircut, but I still favor my original one in NJ. She gave me a new cut back in high school that I haven't veered from since. Fortunately, as a guy, my haircuts never reach the astronomical prices that a woman sees (though those with long hair don't get it cut as often so the difference isn't too bad). If I really wanted to save some cash by sacrificing quality, I have two choices - Great Clips (which I've used a few times in the summer for my buzzcut (yet they managed to even mess that up)) or a FlowBee. I've never used a FlowBee, but I've always been curious how well it would do - but not so curious that I'd ever use one on myself, especially if I'd end up liking a tool like the guy pictured below. And yes, I just wanted to mention it so I could add its picture to this blog.

Doing this at the bar and wearing my tan and olive green shirt always attracts the ladies.

Me + Bowling = No Good

I've never had much bowling success. A great game for me is breaking 140, while the majority of games finish around 110. Thanks to my wacky ambedexterousness (it's my blog, so I'll create words), I bowl with my right-hand, though based on those scores, I should probably try with my left. Recently I made it out to the lanes was over Thanksgiving at some Hackensack (that's NJ folks) lanes. I bowled my usual 85 for the first game, but slowly increased over the next 3 with a final game of 142ish. It helped that I switched from using the ball's holes (get your mind out of the gutter), to a 7-pound ball (yes, it was reddish-pink) and just palming the ball for better grip and more success (ok, so I lead you into the gutter (wow, a double joke) this time).

While I'm at it, I was disturbed to learn that two local bowling places had closed (and that it showed I really have grown older). The first place I tried was the Bergenfield Recreation Center in Bergenfield (of course) where I spent many a Saturday afternoon trying to fit in as many games as I could with my friend, in the one hour we had the lane. It was ironic that it was a "recreation center" since the only recreation it offered was bowling, unless I was too young to realize something else was going on beyond the bar. I think we finished four games or something like that a few times.

Well, I thought about calling to see if the place was open over the holiday, but took my chances. We arrived at its location only see it fenced off and full of dirt. The place had vanished, or at least knocked down. Next I went with a long shot to go bowling off of Paris Avenue in Northvale, at the place used for the TV show "Ed", known as Stuckybowl. The outside was still there, but sadly there was no bowling to be done.

For whatever reason, I seem to sprain (or at least unable to crack the knuckle of) my right middle finger when using the holes, so palming a light ball is the way for me. I'm not ashamed to use the palming method (let's be mature about this one folks), just as there are some QBs who don't throw with laces and succeed, I see nothing wrong with my new method.

Did you make the national road rage list?

Instead of using my incredibly small corner of the blogging world to complain about specific drivers, I found this website. As long as you don't mind the annoying blinking advertisement on the left, you may see if you've ever made the list. For what it's worth, my drive home on Sunday wasn't too bad and only took 45 minutes more than a normal drive from NYC to DC. People used turned signals and nobody cut anyone off...it was driving nirvana.

Nature Valley Granola Bars are (crummy) crumby - literally, not tastefully

I was watching TV the other night when I saw a commercial for Nature Valley Granola Bars. They've been part of my mid-morning snack the last few weeks so naturally I took some interest. I enjoy the taste of their peanut butter, oats n' honey, lemon yogurt, and maple/brown sugar bars. I haven't tried any others, but have been told the fruit one should be avoided. Anyway, during this commercial, a woman casually unwraps the packagaing and bites into a bar - without any crumbs to be seen!

It is impossible to eat these bars without crumbs (except for the yogurt flavored bars since the yogurt keeps the crumbs together). When you open the package, the first thing you get is a handful of crumbs. Perhaps this is so the bar is easily digested by Mother Nature if you're out in the woods. Otherwise, it's a little frustrating. As I bite into a bar, even more crumbs fall, so I hope Mother Nature appreciates the fragility of the bars (if that's the intent), otherwise I could care less since an office building is nowhere near the rainforest.

A few weeks ago, someone I know who is a Nature Valley Bar Eating Expert said the way around the crumbs is to break apart the bar in the middle within the packaging. This way you eliminate creating crumbs upon first bite. When you open the package, be sure to do it over a garbage can to catch the crumbs that fall. Then, All you're left with are 4, bite-sized, crumb-free pieces (two pieces for each thin bar). Of course, I try pouring the crumbs in my mouth instead of the garbage, but you get the idea. I'm starting to think it's too much work. While the bars have a nice taste and are healthy, they require a lot of energy to deal with the crummy (or crumby) annoyance.

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For the rest of my blog full of rants, raves, and attempts at humor, its current address is:

http://bandtcrowd.blogspot.com

A reminder to be thankful

As we gather with friends and family to give thanks for all that we have, we are reminded of those who are not with us for they died this year. Please take a moment and recall such eccentric celebrities like Sam, the World's Ugliest Dog. He passed away the other day after 14 glorious years of making everyone look the other way. The World's Least Superficial Dog Owner said Sam was euthanized after his heart began to fail.

On that sad note...Happy Thanksgiving!

Duraflame Color-Changing Log...yeah, not so much

The first week for fireplace usage has been refreshing. It's always great to look at the flames and get warm the old fashioned way. I tried a little experiment this year by using the Duraflame Color-Changing Log (DCCL) - not to burn my real wood, but to try it because I've always been curious. Though I still love the regular woodburning colors, this was supposed to be a nice change of pace. Unfortunately, it only adds one color to the fire and disappoints too often. If you only want one color in addition to the usual dark blue and bright yellow/white you normally get, then the DCCL is for you.

The packaging shows many colored flames that don't appear when you finally light the log. The package shows the bright yellow/white and dark blue flames which is fine, but those come naturally with burning wood. The box also shows a light turqoise flame that you vividly do get to see, but it's the only non-naturally occuring color you get. After burning 3 logs, I never saw any of the "promised" red flames, nor any "promised" well-developed purple or green flames. I've only seen those colors in the slightest hue for a few seconds on one of the logs. They were probably a mirage because I kept thinking I'd see them so I made myself think they were there.

While it's nice to have a third flame color, it's cheapened when you keep waiting for the reds, greens, and purples to make as an agressive appearance. I've even tried burning it on the wrong side to no avail. I have 3 DCCLs left before it's back to the old reliable regular burning wood. If a DCCL could be used for regular wood burning, then things could be salvaged, but since they're not, they're not worth the time and money. I did try the crackle log and found it nice to listen to, but still too fragile for any real firewood burning. The tried and true woodburning without the bells and whistles is the way to go.

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For the rest of my blog full of rants, raves, and attempts at humor, its current address is:

http://bandtcrowd.blogspot.com