Gary's Staying With Us For A Long Time

Maryland's men's basketball coach has signed a new contract that could extend into 2013 if certain academic (it's not like MD and every other school wouldn't look past these issues if the team does really well) and performance measurements are reached.

My deodorant maker and dry cleaner will also be in business through 2013.

Cats With Lasers

For my company's secret santa gathering, I received a laser pointer. A few years ago it would have been "so cool" to own one and point it on movie screens for adolescent humor, but that time has passed. I don't make many presentations and even less where using a laser pointer is ever needed so the gift was a little office generic. Nevertheless, I'm thankful for any gifts I get, even if I have no intention to use them for their intended purposes.

You said this laser will get the tatooed stripes off, right?

Having recently once again become a fan of "America's Funniest Home Vidoes" (with an occasional "Planet's Funniest Animals" episode and its documented host clothing size issues), I've seen lots of cats go crazy when they see a laser or even a flashlight beaming on the wall. When I brought the pointer home and put it on the wall, opposite of the cat, he sprinted to the wall and jumped at it, all the while scratching the air and wall. Because of this, the laser pointer was a great gift, even when the giver had no idea I'd use it for my cat's enjoyment.

Dulles Toll Road Tolls, As If

According to this Washington Post article, if you drive through a Dulles Toll Road toll without paying, you won't get ticketed or even receive a warning. The bells and sirens that go off when a violation occurs is all the penalty you'll get. Apparently they're just for show:

When drivers blow through the toll lanes on the Dulles Toll Road without paying, a red security light immediately flashes and starts whirling in circles. A loud bell rings.

And that's it. Forever.

Despite the gaudy appearance of enforcement, it's all for show, state officials acknowledged. That little device that looks like it houses a camera? There's nothing in there. There is no equipment to catch toll cheaters. No pictures are taken. No ticket is issued. No note is sent home to Mom.

Watchout, the fake camera might take your picture.

First, why does this situation even exist? Did the VA DOT expect people to be honest and say, "I'm sorry, I didn't pay the toll, please accept my paid toll. Please do me the honor of letting me know what assorted fines I owe the state." Come on, none of us are THAT honest.

Second, aren't there a few hundred other freeways in the country that have working toll violator capturing services? I know from experience that DC and Bethesda have some working traffic cameras that never miss a violating car. I've read that NJ's E-Z Pass has worked too well in catching violators, as the state was counting on the penalties to pay for the system's installation, only to have less people try to cheat because of how well violators were captured. Couldn't the VA DOT have spoken to other transportation departments and used one of their systems?

Third, I think it's great that the Washington Post has taken upon itself the role of letting the public know they don't have to pay tolls and may speed through them without any reparations. Way to use just a little discretion. What's next, an article letting us know we can take a packet of crackers from Giant's soup display without paying? Granted this article will embarrass the VA DOT and maybe fast-track the work, but I doubt it. Perhaps it's all part of a sinister plan to make more people think they can violate the tolls only to either now have working electronic enforcement and/or loads more cops waiting at the tolls. However, I wouldn't give the DOT that much credit to do something as sneaky as this.

Fourth, you may ask:

So why all the bells and lights when violators drive by? "To alert a nearby toll collector if they can catch the license plate to take down information or if law enforcement is nearby and there is somebody they need to pursue," said Deborah Brown, director of innovative (Ironic, no?) finance and revenue operations at VDOT.

Riiiiight, because I'm sure a toll collector has nothing better to do than stop collecting money and furiously write down someone's license plate. Plus, by the time anyone would turn to see the violating car, it'd be well on its way and out of plate-reading distance. I love red tape, especially now that I know I won't have to pay tolls.

Rachel Ray and her EVOO

After visiting the mall last night, I saw an advertisement that Rachel Ray will be signing her new book at the Border's in White Flint mall. I thought it'd be cool to have my picture taken with her, but then I wondered what good it'd be to have the picture. It starts at 6, but the little amount of precipitation we're getting today might scare everyone from driving. She does make homestyle meals (in under 30 minutes) and overall I enjoy her cooking, but there are few things that divide our nation into liking or hating RR (I call her by her initials because we're close like that).

Deeeeeee-lish! But it needs some EVOO.

She likes abbreviating some phrases, most common of which is EVOO for Extra Virgin Olive Oil. She only saves 3 syllables by doing this so I don't think she should keep using the abbreviation. Of course, whenever I have to use some extra virgin olive oil, I have to make the joke and say EVOO so it at least it has some comedic value.

I match the plate colors.

When it's time to get condamints or other ingrediants from her cabinet in the back, she always tries carrying everything at once. This includes pots and pans too. I just want to tell her she could comfortably carry everything if she just took two trips to the cabinet instead of one. Nobody's pressuring her to save time by making one trip. I know the show is "30-minute meals", but I'm confident she has 5 seconds to spare and make the extra trip.

I've got my own show and wrote 9 cookbooks, how cool is that?

She also enjoys saying, "how cool is that?" and "Deee-lish". These and her other cutesy lines are a little annoying, but it shows real enthusiasm for what she's making. Plus, every cook gets excited and thinks/says the same thing as they make their meal. I haven't tried any of her dishes, but they do look good. Her meal for tailgating, a combination of hot dog pieces, cracker jacks, and mac and cheese didn't sound too apealing, but just about everything else has. While her sayings can get a little annoying, I don't mind her cooking and you can't discount her enthusiasm or good recipes.

Scrubs returns in 3 weeks

Not much to write today other than letting you know that "Scrubs" finally returns, Jaunary 3rd, with two new episodes according to the NBC website:

MY INTERN'S EYES
9pm 2006-01-03 ALL NEW!

DR. COX PUTS J.D.'S SKILLS AS AN ATTENDING TO THE TEST- J.D. (Zach Braff) struggles with decision-making and responsibility now that he is an attending physician, all the while Dr. Cox (John McGinley) is testing his skills. And while Elliot (Sarah Chalke) is learning the ropes in her new hospital, she still feels more comfortable hanging out at Sacred Heart. Meanwhile, Carla (Judi Reyes) is ready to have a baby, but Turk (Donald Faison) afraid of moving forward continues to slip her birth control pills. Ken Jenkins and Neil Flynn also star. TV-14

MY RITE OF PASSAGE
9:30pm 2006-01-03 ALL NEW!

SECRETS AND LIES - J.D. (Zach Braff) questions the bond he has with his interns when Dr. Kelso (Ken Jenkins) tells him that inevitably he will begin treating them badly, as it has been throughout history at the hospital. The Janitor (Neil Flynn) further complicates matters by telling J.D. that his interns only laugh at his jokes to suck up to him. Meanwhile, Carla (Judy Reyes) visits Elliot (Sarah Chalke) at her new job and inadvertently creates an awkward new nickname for her friend when she tells her colleagues an embarrassing story. Elsewhere, Dr. Cox (John C. McGinley) prevents Turk (Donald Faison) from warning Jordan (Christa Miller) about a notorious con man patient (guest star Alexander Chaplin) in hopes that she’ll be mortified and quit. TV-14

An Escalating Metro Race

The broken Rosslyn Metro escalator was empty when I boarded this past Thursday morning so I cruised down the left at about 60% normal speed. It was a lovely stroll until I heard…the footsteps. The footsteps telling you trouble is on the way. Someone's in a hurry to catch the Metro and nothing's getting in their way. I knew the sound well, having made it a few times myself, but my gut told me this Metrorusher wouldn't have the courtesy to say "excuse me" on the way down.

My fellow Metrogoer would soon pass me, probably with a nice shove for good measure. I had a 20-step headstart, but I didn't want to get passed by any horseshoe wearer. I started walking faster at 80% of my usual stepping speed. But then I heard faster clickety-claks. Suddenly she sounded like a thoroughbred. Could she tell I was walking faster to stay in front of her? I wasn’t going to block her way if she caught up to me, but I could at least put up a good fight.

15 steps later she had moved within 10 steps of me. She was still closing the distance. I ramped up to my normal stepping speed that actually equaled her feverish sprinting and maintained a 6-step distance for the middle third of stairs. But the noise of her walking kept my heart racing. She was right behind me. I could almost smell her breath. She could make her move in the next five seconds and pass me before I had a chance to retaliate.

In one motion I looked over my shoulder, through her eyes, and into her soul. I could see her plans for a takeover at 30 steps to go - her loud shoes jackhammering all the way down, getting louder and louder as she neared the finish line. I saw people at the bottom laughing at me for losing a 20-step headstart to Miss Heavyfoot. Someone would probably throw an egg on my head and kids would point. The ridicule would be too much for 6:30 in the morning.

I returned her gaze so she could see the fire within. This was not going to be her victorious day. No, it would be mine. I turned my head forward, grabbed the left rail, and I was off. My soles barely met the steps. Clickety-clak saw the growing distance and knew she had lost. With 20 steps to go I no longer heard her hooves.

5 Hours of NBA Jam T.E.

The other weekend, I played 5 consecutive hours of NBA Jam Tournament Edition for Genesis. My head pounded for the next two days so maybe this marathon playing has passed me by since I am getting older afterall. It got started because TV offered no good choices and my XBox won't be opened for three weeks. I was always a decent Jam player, but I never dominated my friends in Jam like I still do in NHL 95. Tournament Ediition added lots of extra power-ups that you could choose before playing without any codes. It also offers a greater statistics, player ratings, and rosters. Of course, being an Acclaim game, there are plenty of secret power-ups and hidden characters.

I still remember going to "Nobody Beats the Wiz" in Paramus and getting the original NBA Jam the day it was released. It was the only game I got right away. After spending plenty of quarters at its arcade machine, I'm sure my parents were happy to know this only cost them a one-time fee of $50. It was hard for me to get past the idea that I could play this for free whenever I wanted to in my house. Down with visits to the arcade!

Time for some ugly basketbrawling. (original NBA Jam)

NBA Jam has always been a fun and fluid game. Like my NHL 95 cartridge's battery, the NBA Jam battery has seen better days and no longer saves my information. Therefore, to beat all 27 or so teams, I had to keep the Genesis on the entire time. I recognize I could have taken a break by walking away with the Genesis on, but that would've been too easy. I set the timer to extra fast and the drone difficulty to 4 (out of 5). I chose the Jazz b/c I still love seeing a pixelated John Stockton throw it down on the baseline. The combination of 2 3-point shooters and a dunker with a high creativity rating made for a good run.

Tournament Edition places a higher emphasis on injuring your opponent by shoving him to the floor. The more times they're shoved, the slower they become. Against the computer, this is pretty easy to pull off because it doesn't always recognize the rational thing to do when it's getting pummelled. Versus a human, it's a real beatdown on both ends. I was losing after the first quarter in about 1/4 of the games because I kept knocking people down. This strategy worked well and paid off later on b/c the computer had few healthy options by the 3rd and 4th quarters.

I usually had the following rotation: Qtr. 1 - Stockton and Malone, Qtr. 2 - Malone and Hornacek, Qtr 3. - Stockton and Hornacek (sometime Malone if he wasn't hurt badly and I needed the extra help), and Qtr. 4 - Stockton and Malone. By not playing on the highest difficulty, I got away with two short PGs in the 3rd. For the next rainy day, I will try the highest setting. I have no plans to use any later versions, especially when they put Keith Van Horn on the 1999 cover.

I noticed some aspects of the game: the CPU will make every full-court shot which means you must be up by 4 to win the game if there is even a second on the clock, the FT line hook shot is deadly, it hurts my pride getting knocked over by Spudd Webb but feels even better to dunk on him, hearing "boomshakalaka", "oh my!", "he's on fire!", and "ugly shot" never gets old, a 1995 game lets you think about how many dynasties the NBA was supposed to have in places like Orlando and Charlotte...provided MJ never played, how many paycheck piligers in the videogame are still playing today, and not having MJ and Shaq to play with sucks.

Make sure your battery works so you can play against the developers and their special teams after unlocking them (as if anyone will take my advice and use this blog when playing this game). Turning off the Genesis also loses the unlocked All-Star team that replaces the Rookies, as well as really expanded rosters with 5 or 6 players. I lost two games over my 5-hour marathon, with an exciting win over the knicks that required 4 goaltends and "on fire" 3's from Malone in the last minute to send the game to OT. This is still a great 2-player game that's lots of fun with options like 9-point full court dunks, bomb earthquakes, and speed bursts.

This should be the last mid-90's Genesis game review for a long time as I leap forward in videogame technology to 2001 when the XBox was released. Once my XBox gets fired up, the genesis will start collecting more dust, unless of course you want to play Genesis for old time's sake.

Really, you can't be THAT dumb, can you?

I was driving in a neighborhood parking lot yesterday morning and saw some youth (or yoot) driving his blue two-door car with his driverside window down. There'd be nothing wrong with this except for the fact that every remaining square inch of his car was covered in 1.5 inches of snow. He was driving his car by sticking his head out the window! Hello? McFly? Anybody in there? Try cleaning off your car. I know this sounds crazy, but when you remove snow from your window, you get to see through the window. Incredible. And I thought people who didn't remove the snow off the roofs of their cars were going to be today's topic - not when someone drives his car with his head out the window because it's covered in snow.

Who needs clear windows to drive?

Giada De Laurentiis' Gigantic Head

Whenever I'd like to feel bad about my cooking inability and simple meals, I'll watch the Food Network. It does have some nice shows like "Good Eats" with Alton Brown (thanks for the steak receipe!), but there are a few shows/hosts that are unwatchable. Certainly, for a station like Food Network, a show's success has a little to do with the food prepared, and a whole lot to do with the host's personality. A nice amount of easy, medium, and hard cooking shows must be struck. I'd imagine the majority of viewers are confident with their skillset and want to watch a show that's one level above them. Therefore, many shows are just above basic/generic homecooking. A channel of professional chefs would alienate typical viewers, while too many episodes of "How to Boil Water" would be insulting.

On "Everyday Italian", Giada De Laurentiis takes the usual homemade Italian dish and spices it up (too easy, I know) with some nice twists. I really only have two issues with the show. I'm not one to speak about someone's hairstyle (though I've got a relative who should), but I'm going to anyway. Giada could really use a different hairstyle that doesn't actually accentuate her incredibly large forehead. Stop pushing the hair behind your ears, you're not doing yourself any favors. Don't get me wrong, she's still easy on the eyes, but a slight change would do wonders. The way things are, her head looks like a fully-inflated helium balloon attached to a helium tank.

Of course, let's pretend the Food Network only puts cooks on TV because of their abilities and not appearance. You can stop laughing now. No, it's okay, I'll wait. Are you done? Ok. Now back to our friendly "Everyday Italian". The cooking is well done and looks like it would taste great, but the production is too distracting. When Giada says, "I'll mash the potatoes in this bowl," the camera does a very tight shot of the bowl and the mashing. It's an abrupt move that disorients the viewer. If they could just zoom out a little bit before taking the shot, viewers would easily orient themselves. Otherwise it's too jarring. I know closeups of cooking actions are key to a cooking show, but it shouldn't be used for every onion slice or dash of salt. It's as if the producer has a fetish for her hands and must give them as much facetime as the food.

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