I almost ate cat poop for lunch

Before I head off to work, I usually clean the cat's litter box and deposit his deposits in one our many Giant/Shoppers/Target plastic bags. Well I usually make lunch the night before and also use one of those plastic bags to hold my not-so-extravagant lunches. Can you see where this is going? So this morning I cleaned up his gifts in a Target bag and carried it to my car while my carpooler took my lunch (also in a Target bag) to the car. I had a brainfart and forgot I wasn't carrying my lunch instead of the Target bag with cat poop in it. I placed the cat poop bag in the trunk with my other work items and was about to drive off when my carpooler asked what I had done with the cat's bag.

I ran outside, opened the trunk, and threw the poop bag in the garbage. Granted I probably wouldn't have ate it for lunch anyway since I had my actual lunch already in the car, but for all we know knowing me, I would have forgotten about the real lunch in the car when I got to work and would've taken the cat's "lunch" out of the trunk with my other stuff instead. Just imagine me walking to work with a bag of poop. Then around 12:30, I would have been starving for lunch, only to get one that's a little on the sandy side with a potpourri scent.

I'm a lover, not a fighter

I've received many (actually just one) emails about my Carl Kasell post a few days ago from one of NPR's greatest fans. With multiple radios tuned to NPR throughout their house, it'd be tough to find more devoted listeners than a few members of my Chicago fan club. I value their input about Carl's time on the air (shouldn't that phrase really be "in the air"?). I fully recognize his newswriting and reporting abilities as the profession's best, but I can't hear past that little saliva noise he makes. I tried listening this morning and it's still there in all its distracting glory. I doubt this elaborated my thoughts on NPR's news matriarch anymore than the first post, but I have to show my Chicago region readers that I read all of their compliments and complaints.

Afterall, once the NFL playoffs start, their football team will be shown for its false success b/c of a weak schedule. Ok, that wasn't really necessary, but I've done poorly in our football pick'em league (again!) while the current and former Chicago residents in the league always beat me to a pulp.

Sinclair = False News

http://men.style.com/gq/features/landing?id=content_4024

It really got my interest from page 5 until the end. 'Nuff said.

Finally, something smells worse than my socks

This weekend, one of nature's worst smelling plants is expected to bloom at the U.S. Botanic Garden Conservatory. The Titan Arum plant is known as the "corpse flower" because it smells like rotting meat. The flower's scent attracts carrion beetles and sweat bees. And I thought women loved any kind of flower. I guess the Botanic Garden Conservatory won't be a hot dating scene this weekend unless you've got a sick sense (or scents) of humor.

My Inner Pyromaniac

Call me crazy, but I enjoy sitting around the fireplace during these cold nights and watching the fire have its way. It has always been part of my family experience and have tried recreating it on a smaller scale in my apartment. I don't have the fireplace tools of my adolescent headquarters, nor the same sized-fireplace, but I get by. While my house has a poker for moving wood and a shovel to push around ashes, I merely have an old 3-iron with a cracked clubhead (part of my old apartment's memorabilia). It's sufficiently charred and does the trick when we have to poke a log or move one because of its hook design. I thought about buying a fireplace tool set, but I'll never use most of the pieces that come in a set, so you may cancel your gift orders. Anyway, using a golf club is cooler too.

When I began my firebuilding apprenticeship under my dad, I made the usual apprentice mistakes by being too aggressive by adding too much wood over the Duraflame log or firestarting bricket. I learned that you must strike a ying-yang balance between wood volume and oxygen passageways. I thought more wood meant more material for the fire to eat (and more heat). After enough fireplace theory classes, I understood that the real fuel for a fire is the oxygen. These days my fires usually reach the maximum heat production. I try to start slow with little wood on top and then add the big cuts once the foundation is going well. All that's left after that is a poke or too to stir things up.

Back in the day I used newspapers to start the fire. They're cheap and light quickly, but don't last long enough. The wood brickets do get the party started, but easily break apart with the slightest poke. The best is still a Duraflame log. Not only does it easily get the fire started, but it also lasts very long, can be poked and moved without losing its ability, and shows a touch of fireplace high class etiquette (or elitism). I might try the changing flamecolor model and see if I should believe the hype. I haven't tried any scented logs because nothing's better than what Mother Nature intended for burning (read: no gas fireplaces whenever possible).

I've always enjoyed the idea of watching a fireplace on TV. Living in a city apartment doesn't afford you the opportunity to have a fireplace because of logistics. Well, each ChanukRamaKwanMas (that's Chanukah, Ramadan, Kwanza, and Christmas) you can watch a professionally built buring fireplace. I wonder if someone's resume' actually lists, "built fire for televised fireplace" which would be changed into "Domestic Pyrotechnic Engineer". Can you go to school for that? I think it'd be really fun. You could go to fireplace building conventions, join a fireplace professional group, and eventually get a degree in fireplaceology. Ok, I took it too far.

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For the rest of my blog full of rants, raves, and attempts at humor, its current address is:

http://bandtcrowd.blogspot.com

Dictator or TV Character

Here's an old link that'll waste some time:

http://www.smalltime.com/dictator.html

It's a fun site that will guess any dictator or TV character you're thinking of. What's nice about it is when it does get stumped, you'll be asked to add a question to help it figure out who you had in mind for next time. Thereby always improving its accuracy. Give it a try.

Come on folks, we're flying here

Whenever any of us fly (somewhere), we're always asked, "How was the flight?" I used to never have any problems with the question, until I saw a short comedic cartoon that raised a good point...Why ask how the flight was when the act of flying is incredible enough? I mean you're flying! A few bumps of turbulence are so minor when you consider that you're tens of thousands of feet in the air, traveling 500 MPH, during which you're usually in a comfortable chair, with food service, and maybe a movie. I admit that I used to ask, "How was your flight?", but now I just ask if anyone was annoying on the flight. If the flight made you throw-up, that would be good information to share, but other than that, there's no need to let me know about a few sudden ups and downs.

Just appreciate the technology used to get you off the ground - such as how powerful the engines must be to get you in the air or even the idea that flying has become commonplace for everyone. 40-50 years ago, flying was only for the most elite citizens with cash to burn. Of course, there are detractors who'd argue that we've been flying for plenty of time now and shouldn't experience much bumpiness along the way - akin to the cars of today when we expect to feel less and less bumps. Of course, the airline can't control unstable pockets of air, just as even the smoothest riding car will jerk you around over a speed bump or on any D.C. street. I'd still rather hear about the baby crying in the back, the guy who snored next to you with bad breath, and the idiot who thinks his full-size suitcase is really a carry-on that'll fit in the overhead bin.

Shouldn't someone be looking the other way?

Carl Kasell's Spit

Since I'm not a music buff and have trouble understanding what most of today's rock singers actually say, my morning radio options are limited (unlike my afternoon drive when I look forward to "Don and Mike"). Most of the "funny" shows aren't funny, and during the 1 in 1,000 gimmicks they do that are listenable (making up words is so much fun), the host's hyena laughs make me look for the nearest wall to crash into. I used to enjoy most of what the Sport's Junkies did in the morning, but haven't been able to listen to them since they've moved to after the rush hour. I get annoyed with ESPN radio b/c Mike Golic doesn't add anything to Mike Greenberg's commentary on "Mike and Mike In the Morning". It's funny to hear Golic talk about something other than football. He's a great example of someone trying to sound like he knows something by simply repeating Greenberg's words and always agreeing.

Greenberg: Mariano Rivera's cut fastball scares every batter.
Golic: Rivera is a great pitcher.

Ya think so Golic? Gee, thanks for showing up today and adding so much to a show that Greenberg should do on his own.

This leads me to WTOP and it's traffic updates on the 8's vs. NPR. Sure I worked in TV news, but as you know, I was never, nor am I now, a news junkie. I go out of my way to avoid even the slightest talk of anything more than one top story of the day. It's one reason why I enjoy Internet news b/c I can read what I want when I want without any teases. I won't breakdown WTOP vs. NPR in one post, but I will say that both broadcasters have some "personalities" that are downright annoying and hard to listen to. If they're worthy, I will mention their tendancies in later entries. Which brings me today's inagural inductee.

Without further adeiu, the first "Today's annoying newscaster" is" (obligatory drumroll)...NPR's Carl Kasell. Yes, that is the proper spelling, but as seen in another blog entry, his name can/does appear as (I'm not holding spelling variations against him, but instead want to make sure blog search engines find their way over here (I'm a sellout, I know)):

Carl Casel Carl Casell Carl Cassel Carl Cassell
Carl Kasel Carl Kasell Carl Kassel Carl Kassell
Karl Casel Karl Casell Karl Cassel Karl Cassell
Karl Kasel Karl Kasell Karl Kassel Karl Kassell
Carl Castle Karl Castle Carl Kastle Karl Kastle

I know some of you are huge NPR fans and want me to stop saying anything negative about someone who has hosted a newscast at the start of each hour on "Morning Edition" since 1979. I know he has many journalism awards, yadda yadda yadda, but he has this speaking tick that makes me change the dial. I'm not questioning his newswriting, I'm just questioning his delivery. I still don't understand why people actually want the prize of his voice on their answering machine when you win "Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me."

(Lovely picture or too graphic?)

When he speaks, there's this sort of mini-swallowing sound, or "bubble-in-the-throat"noise, like his mouth is dry and he's adding saliva, made every 5 seconds. I can't get around it to hear the actual news. Try listening for it and you too will be turned off. Before I decided to change the station at the top of the hour on "Morning Edition", I'd wait for that noise and ignore anything else he says. His status as a great newsman allows him to stay put, but he's like a lot of newscasters out there who wouldn't get a job today because of how poorly they deliver the news. I know Carl writes really well, but it's time someone else reads his stories.

License Plate Stickers - Seriously People

With every late morning departure to work, I have time to enjoy the sights and sounds around me while slowly traversing the Potomac River. I have noticed many drivers can't follow simple directions. Today I'm not talking about road signs, right of way issues, and merges. I'm talking about license plate expiration sticker placement.

Updating your license with its new stickers is really quite simple. In this area, you get two stickers - one for the month and one for the year. The white/blue background year sticker goes in the upper-right and the red/green background month sticker goes in the upper-left. Many plates even have black outlines boxes so you know exactly where the stickers must go. Inevitably, this proves too hard for some folks out there. They're the same people who jammed their round block into the triangle hole until it fit in Kindergarten. Yesterday morning, someone had not only placed their month sticker in the bottom left, but covered it with their license plate bracket. Come on people.

Of course, some people place stickers in the upper corners, but still have the month sticker where the year should go. You folks aren't too bad, but you really should get things right at this point in your adulthood. To the DMV's (that's the MVA for Marylanders) credit, their instructions are as simple as placing stickers really is. And for full disclosure, the stickers for my relatively new car were put on the dealer, however, I promise you I never failed to properly place my license stickers on my old cars and plates.