High Holy Days Test My Shirt and Suit Sizes

I'm not required to wear a suit at work; it's khakis and polo shirts for me. This has created a backlog of formal clothes that I needed for my last position. These days I don't wear formal clothes except for weddings, bar/bat mitzvahs, funerals, graduations, blogger autograph sessions, and monthly fashion shows at Nordstrom's; none of which I have attended/participated in the last year. Of course I've never gone to a a fashion show and you can tell by this blog's quality that I've never signed autographs. I only breakout the cuff links and button the collar for High Holy Day services.

As we are in the midst of the Days of Awe, I'm reminded painfully that my formal clothing viability changes a lot in a year. Shirts that were neatly pressed and dry cleaned, now have stained collars, including those still under plastic. Pants that were a snug fit a year ago are now ready to burst at the seam should I dare sit down or elongate my stride. Nobody wants to rip their pants on the Kippur.

The Gates of Repentance doesn't account for wardrobe malfunctions.

Two jackets still sit well on my shoulders, but I'd burst the buttons if I try for closure. It's just not going to happen. It also appears that the Cat spent much of his time in the closet's corner and rubbed against the bottom of one of the jackets. My other jacket is clean thanks to dry cleaner plastic wrap, but a button on the cuff is split in half. I just can't catch a break.

One flamethrower and two lint brush strips later, my jacket is cathair free...sort of.

When I'm able to find clean shirts, I face that small matter of finding a proper fit. Like my pants, it seems my shirts shrink while they hibernate in the back of the closet. This year, 4 shirts have uncleanable collar stains (gross, I know) and 2 were tossed because my neck got fatter or I just have to admit that my 17 1/2 neck won't fit in a 17 collar. Five other shirts were snug fits with slight collar discoloration and will be revived by the dry cleaners...I hope.

Sadly, I can't blame my ill-fitting collars on neck muscle exercises. Maybe it's from staring at a monitor all day.

In a last ditch effort to play it safe, I replenished some of my clothing catalog with 3 shirts from Macy's (25% off CK). This way I can safely say I have clean, pressed, and fitted white, blue, and gray shirts.

Area formalwear salesmen salivate for the High Holy Days because it's then that people like me learn suddenly that they need new clothes.

When I check my clothes to celebrate 5770 next year, I'm sure the white collars will look banana yogurt yellow, I won't be able to button my pants, and my jacket sleeves will need major tailoring. Perhaps it's time I review my clothing options long before the Days of Awe; it's the least I could do for my bank account.