Tuesday, May 30, 2006

I Know K Street Isn't a Dressing Room, but I Don't Care

With the blazing weather today, it's about time I quell those gawkers who look at me when I'm either walking to the metro or from the metro to my carpool ride home. For reasons unbeknownst to me, I seem to be very warm blooded. This allows me to (luckily) stay warmer than most people in the winter, but also allows me to (unluckily) become warmer than most people once it gets over 65 degrees. Once things get that warm, I will perspire at least a little if I'm walking outside for a few minutes. If it's a cooler day, I'll actually perspire more once I get inside. Relax, I'm not as sweaty as if I just ran 5 miles in my dress shirt, but it's still uncomfortable.

I've never been this bad, but I'm sure some people walking around were today.

To avoid gigantic dry cleaning bills each week because I'd only get to wear a dress shirt once before it needed a good scrubbing, I have started removing my shirt after I reach Rosslyn, if not the second I leave the office. Walking with shirt and tie in-hand isn't the issue with onlookers. What is an issue is when I remove my dress shirt (don't worry, I wear a white undershirt). Is it so strange for someone to take a layer of clothing off? I'm not some exhinbitionist so (luckily for us all) there isn't more to see. I'm just a person who gets mini-hot flashes like a menopausal woman and then can't cool down because I keep thinking about how hot I am. Gotta love DC in the summer!

Even Ed is all about the sweat glands.

Despite this April to October dillema, I have mastered the skill of removing my shirt without having to put down my backpack nor losing any walking speed. I think it's akin to a woman removing her bra without taking off her shirt - an incredible feat of human engineering and evoluation. First I undo my tie, unbutton my shirt, and then remove my right backpack strap, followed by removing my right arm out of the sleeve. I quickly swivel my backpack around my front until I may replace my right arm back into the right strap. I then complete the removal of my shirt by taking my left arm out of the sleeve and replacing it in the left backpack strap. Just like Superman I too change from a mild mannered worker, except I become Joe Comfortable in a white undershirt.

Look at how far sweating has gotten MD's coach.

So please don't stare like it's a freak show. I'm just someone who gets a little overheated and looks for any relief I can get. I bet the other sidewalkers around me are just jealous that they haven't done the same because you just know they're feeling the heat too. I will never be that stubborn guy still wearing his entire wool suit in this heat while walking around downtown. If it's okay with you, I'd rather not test my deodorant while diminishing the lifetime of my work clothes with too much dry cleaning.

1 comment:

Eric said...

Can we get a video and YouTube of the magic shirt change?