Valentine's Day Card Massacre in Maryland

For the first time in the years I have graced this earth, the procrastinator in me didn't procrastinate buying a  Valentine's Day card. After seeing the path of destruction left at Target and Safeway yesterday morning, I'm relieved to have purchased my card long before those procrastinators terrorized the card aisles.

Such a sweet thought!

Late card buyers can be found in both sexes, among all races, and at all income levels. Sure, my observation isn't scientific nor valid, but it's safe to say we've all been card-buying procrastinators at some point. Target had an entire card aisle devoted to the holiday of love, but it wasn't enough. Customers jockeyed for position, possibly elbowing others, to skim the remaining cards. I was so proud of myself for beating the rush.

The Greeting Card Association estimates men spend twice as much on Valentine's Day gifts as women.

By 3 PM on Valentine's Day you won't find the card's matching envelope.

That's a new way of implying you want something else.

Walking against the traffic flow of procrastinating boyfriends and girlfriends and husbands and wives, I couldn't help but notice the immense pressure they had put onto themselves to find the perfect card. Beads of sweat were falling over their nervous faces as they realized time was running out.

Nothing like being romantic because the calendar told you so.

The scene was even worse at the Safeway florist with a queue of embarrassed, oh crap I didn't order flowers, in the doghouse SOs. I'll grant you that flowers are best if bought on the day they're given, but buying Safeway flowers for Valentine's Day means you forgot to get her an original gift and your desperate move to save face is buying a bouquet of battered tulips for $14.99 ($12.99 with a Safeway club card).

Good luck finding more than weeds on Valentine's Day.

In a sad attempt at tooting my horn again for this Valentine's Day, I was also not one of the embarrassed, oh crap I didn't order flowers, in the doghouse SOs. For once, I actually didn't just order flowers online.

So I hope that all of those late cardbuyers and flowerbuyers made it through yesterday unharmed. I've learned my lesson, never wait until the last minute to get Valentine's Day shopping out of the way. If you start now, you'll have a 364-day headstart.