How to Install an Auxiliary Input (aPAC-NIS1) In a 2005 Nissan Altima

After installing my home speaker system last year, I decided that my 2005 Nissan Altima, called Silverman, needed an auxiliary input. I was tired of using my GPS' FM transmitter to listen to MP3s through my car's speakers and burning CDs is just sooooo passe. As a black belt master Googler, I scoured the web and bought an aPAC-NIS1 Aux Input.

There's just one problem...I've never stolen a car radio before. In this case, I'd just be modifying my radio, but how's it done? Turns out, all you need is a Phillips screwdriver, a willingness to bend dashboard molding.

The aux input instructions in the package and online were awful. The writing (much like this blog!) was unintelligible so I got help from an engineer with advanced degrees. 

One box, lots of wires

For one, please include a chart that tells me which DIP switches should be up instead of having me call your support line. Using a combination of Nissan forums searches, radio wiring diagrams, competitor instructions, and finally trial and error, Silverman now plays music, GPS directions, and cell phone chatter through its speakers, accepting any device with a headphone jack.

To help the greater good and fill a void in the Internet, allow me to help those in need of better instructions. Aux input inputters of the world, who are installing the same product in a 2005 Nissan Altima with a 6-CD Bose radio, let me guide you as we overcome aPAC-NIS1's disastrous instructions.

Sure, I could've paid $50 for someone to install it, but where's the fun in that when I got to be frustrated installing this device for several hours over two days. With some luck, it'll take you about an hour. Merchants selling the product offer instructions that contradict each other so while one method may be better, safer, and faster than mine, this one worked for me. In other words, it's completely your fault for following these and short-circuiting your car.

Step 1 - Disconnect the negative terminal from the car battery. As cool as it is to have your hair stick up from electricity, the rest of your nervous system won't like it much, along with your heart. My battery terminal was tough to remove so be ready for some elbow grease. We held the wire away from any metal with the wrench's rubber handle. Electricity likes metals so keep'em away like the two hormone-fueled teenagers they are.



Step 2 - look at your dash one last time and say a prayer. It's time to go in. Make sure your door is open in case you have to be hauled out of the car and let someone know what you're up to. Note that this device only works on an Altima radio with a satellite ("SAT") button.


Step 3 - pull the HVAC molding down and away from the dash. Do this gently. You'll need to bend the molding just enough to get your fingers behind it. Wow, this hand model actually has two beautiful hands!




Step 4 - remove the four screws holding the HVAC controls with a screwdriver. Unscrew the screws slowly and be sure you catch them as they come out. I kept them in my door pocket.



Step 5 - pull off HVAC controls by pulling the unit out from the bottom and then down. What glorious wiring to behold.



Step 6 - gently lift the molding for the vents from just below the radio controls. This is held in place by four clips so you will have to carefully pop it off of the clips. This can be very fickle so take your time. You may have to wiggle it and use a flat tool to pry it off.




Step 7 - remove the four screws that hold the radio in place. These are difficult to catch and not lose when they come out. I used my finger to keep the screw in place, but it didn't always work as I lost one of them into the abyss known as my car's innards.



Step 8 - Pull the radio out. You're almost halfway done. Well not really, just one-third.


Step 9 - look at the pretty wire colors one final time before adding even more complications.


Step 10 - disconnect the connection on the far left of the radio and the connection second from the right (when looking from above). These connections can be difficult to remove and may require a tool to push the little knob down and away to unlatch the plastic molding from the radio. As tempting as it is, do not pull the connections using their wires. A second set of hands is really handy here (ha!).

In addition to incomplete dashboard removal instructions, the instructions that came with the device and those on the web offered zero help in knowing which connections to remove from the radio. That's why I'm writing this very long blog entry that may not help anyone.


Step 11 - as part of the necessary trial and error, the radio eventually had all of its wires removed. So for your edification, here it is from the back, but don't actually remove all of the wires.


Step 12 - connect the audio cable (3.5 mm cable/RCA), used to input the headphone, to the aux input's blue box. For once, a picture isn't needed, right? Good, because I didn't take one.

Step 13 - connect the aux input's bound of wires to the radio using the only two connections that will fit and match the open radio ports. The connections will snap into place.


Step 14 - run the other end of the aux input's bound of wires down from the radio to behind the cubby that's below the HVAC controls. This is tricky and requires some maneuvering and small fingers. There's a small opening between where the HVAC controls are and the cubby that pops open below. The circled connection disappears behind the cubby in the second picture and may require pulling it down from the cubby too. Ultimately the wire will come out the cubby (see Step 24).

Again, nowhere is it discussed what you should do with the aux input wires so let this be that somewhere it is discussed.


Step 15 - set the aux input's blue box DIP switches to: 1 - down, 2 - up, 3 - up, and 4 - down. I had to call PAC Audio's support line for this. Heaven forbid a chart for all makes and models would be included.

Step 16 - connect the circled connection in picture 1 of step 14 to the aux input's blue box and pull a decent amount of wiring into the cubby. The cubby will store the blue box and your audio input device when used. So convenient!

Step 17 - place the radio back onto its holder in the dash (reverse step 8).

Step 18 - reconnect the battery's negative terminal (reverse step 1); you should hear the radio's CD changer cycle. Some instructions suggested waiting three minutes with the key turned to the "Acc" position before moving to Step 19, but I don't think it matters.

Step 19 - turn the ignition switch to "Acc", turn the radio on, and press the "SAT" button...what do you see on the display? If you see "NO SAT" then that's not good. If you see something like "AUX-01" or "XM CH-001", then it worked! Go ahead and plug an audio device to the aux input to hear something. You may have to turn up the device's volume and the radio's volume. Let's pretend these steps worked so we can move forward.

Step 20 - screw the radio back to the dash harness (reverse step 7). Try to keep all wires down and away from the HVAC system as possible.

Step 21 - place the HVAC vents back into place on the dash (reverse step 6). It should wedge its way back to the original position.

Step 22 - place and screw the HVAC controls back into place (reverse step 5 and then step 4). Good thing you haven't lost the screws, right?

Step 23 - replace the the HVAC molding (reverse step 3). It will snap back into place ever so gently.

Step 24 - take a deep breath, pat yourself on the back, and revel in the awesomeness of your Altima's auxiliary input.  Now I can run my MP3 player through the car's speakers or my MP3/bluetooth-enabled GPS.  Better yet, both can be connected at the same time, just switching input choices to hear one or the other.  Solid!

My Fingernail, I Hardly Knew Ye

"The biopsy came back negative."

Five days after my nail bed biopsy, the hand surgeon gave me the great news. I only had a bruise on my nail bed; a stubborn, stubborn bruise that thought it'd be fun to leave a streak in my fingernail and cause me to learn far too much about subungual melanoma. Thanks to a solid family history of cancer, I had to be vigilant and proactive. Ignoring health concerns do not heal them.

I learned quite a few things from this experience. For one, I don't know how to put on a woman's dress. The nurse told me my patient gown is "simply put on with the tie in the back as you would with a woman's dress". When she returned to tie the gown, I had it on backward. For the nurse's sake, I made sure the ties were double-knotted so I had no chance of giving the staff an IV-fueled burlesque show with a twirl.

I learned that the best nurses are from New Jersey, right mom? My surgical nurse and I bonded over tales of northern NJ diners, accents, and Turnpike traffic.

I learned that telling the anesthesiologist that redheads require a higher dose ensures that I'll be knocked out really well. A few seconds after I felt the anesthesia in the IV, the operating room ceiling faded to black. When I awoke 20 minutes later, I was in a different bed, with sheets wrapped around me, and I couldn't feel three of my fingers for at least another hour. I'd much rather have it that way.

I learned that hospital beds aren't long enough for me. Like every sleeping camp bunk bed, my feet dangled over the edge. If there are going to be wider wheelchairs for overweight patients, there should be longer beds for taller patients. Equal rights for above average height!

I learned that Holy Cross Hospital gives patients great socks for surgery.  They kept my feet warm and gave me great traction.

I learned one way to get a turkey sandwich at the hospital is to have staff use a blood pressure cuff that's too large for my arm resulting in a low reading. Hello lunch in a box! A quick resizing showed my numbers were plenty normal, but not before I got to stuff my face for the first time that day.

I learned that when a surgeon goes to tell your girlfriend his preliminary observation that I don't have melanoma, she shouldn't be left in "The Grief Room" for more than a nanosecond until he arrives. When other rooms are full, as was the case here, just wait a few minutes until the, "Nothing to Worry About Room" is available.

I learned that my body definitely gets nauseous from anesthesia. Hello lunch in a box, not so nice to see you again!  I was so nauseous that I wasn't able to eat the matzoh ball soup and homemade kugel waiting for me at home.  It pained me to wait one whole day before taking in those calories.

I learned that codeine is wonderful no matter its one-day side effects.

I learned that having a fingernail and part of your nail bed removed makes for a gnarly story.

I also learned that my fingernail will grow back to the fingertip in four months and will look healthy again in 9-12 months. That's a small aesthetic price to pay for peace of mind.

The Slippery Slope of Fingernail Discoloration

Slopes can be slippery.  The more that's at stake, the steeper the decline, and the easier it is to get going.  I tend to not do well with hills like these.  When I was 12, I broke my wrist skateboarding by going up a street that was too high for my balance.  My mom encouraged me to "go just a little higher."  I wasn't comfortable and the speed caught me.

Today's skateboarding street is my fingernail to be biopsied for melanoma tomorrow.  A few months ago I noticed a brownish-reddish streak on my left ring fingernail and thought it was a bruise that would grow out as the nail did; however, the bruise didn't grow out. 

Being redhaired and fair skinned, the sun has never been my friend; I've always thought it held too much power over our lives.  I slather on sunscreen, wear a sunhat better suited for a trek in the Mojave, and find shade whenever possible.  Thanks to my skin type and my skateboard coach's early stage melanoma that was removed recently, the dermatologist suggested I see a hand surgeon for a biopsy.  The hand surgeon quickly reached the same conclusion...a nail bed biopsy was needed just to be safe.

A nail bed biopsy involves removing the fingernail as deep as the nail bed.  I think of myself as a reformed nailbiter so as much as I used to have a fondness for chomping down, neither me nor any nailbiter would ever want to go as far as this surgery calls for.  The nail should grow to the fingertip in four months, but it will take about a year for it to look healthy again.

The surgeon said it was difficult to place a percentage on a diagnosis, but if pressed he said there was a 10% or less chance that the streak is the result of cancerous cells.  He said it could simply be from trauma to the nail for example.  Let's hope I somehow forgot that I smashed my fingernail in a doorjamb some time ago.  I'm not concerned about the procedure or care afterward, I'm concerned about the diagnosis.

I don't know why I have this streak and I don't t like waiting to find out.  Can I just skip ahead like I'm watching something on TiVo?  Waiting gives me time to overthink the worst case scenario.  As such, waiting also gives me time to underthink the greater likelihood that this won't be a significant concern.

I'm always quick to remind friends and family to not research medical concerns online, but nobody was faster to Google "subungal melanoma" than me.  From medical sites to message forums, I read horror stories of people passing away from ignoring their nails that were far more hideously discolored than mine to uplifting stories of people getting checked out and being just fine.  I know the information is misleading and only populates my head with unnecessary fears, but I need some control; however unattainable it may be.

Nail bed melanoma is very rare in whites, making up less than 3% of all melanoma cases, and is commonly found on a big toe or thumb.  So I have that in my favor, but my skin type and family history make it an easy call to be safe than sorry.  The common treatment for a toe with this is amputation and for a finger is amputation at the nearest joint to the lesion.  Damn the information online!  My mind gets to race between an inconsequential, benign issue in my nail bed to not getting to see the tip of my finger again.

I know that thinking through any scenario does me little good.  It won't change what is occurring with my finger.  I try to stop myself from thinking the worst, but it's hard not to.  I think all of us naturally jump to the extreme result to feel prepared and feign having control, but really we don't know how we'll feel when we hear for sure.

Whatever the doctor tells me is the next step for treatment, I'll welcome it worth open arms (errrr, fingers) because as my mind races ahead, the alternative would be worse.  I see no reason why I shouldn't use the slippery slope's momentum to boost me up the ensuing uphill climb.

So I bid adieu to the fingernail on Thursday and wait for what's sure to be an agonizing five days to hear the diagnosis on Tuesday.  I hope that my hill levels off and coasts to a stop.

*****************

For the diagnosis, see the next entry here.

NOTM: Man Microwaves Perfect Bowl of Oatmeal

Washington, D.C. - The scientific method of trial and error has lead to a new wave of federal grants to study the relationship between thermodynamics, fluid mechanics, and whole grain oats.  On Tuesday morning, Morris Herlis microwaved the perfect bowl of Quaker Instant Oatmeal for his breakfast at work.

 Offering six grams of fiber and assorted whole grain oat ingredients including: pyridoxine hydrochloride, acesulfame potassium, and maltodextrin.

Morris said that he had been experimenting with water content, bowl structure, and microwave time for several months.  He worked tirelessly to find the best way to cook a bowl of oatmeal without making a mess in the company microwave, lest he hear from senior marketing specialist Beth Steinkatz who Morris called, "the kitchen cleanliness police chief".

"I don't really know what I did to cook my oatmeal for two minutes straight without spilling over the bowl's edge," Morris said humbly.  What is clear is that Morris reduced the amount of water used to an amount between too much and too little, used a deeper Crate and Barrel Roulette Blue Band Bowl, and got very lucky.

The bowl that cooked a perfect packet of maple and brown sugar instant oatmeal.

An underachieving overthinker, Morris spent each morning trying different combinations to cook his Weight Control oatmeal pouches.  Unable to grasp the concept of recording each test's settings to fine tune the next day's controls, every cooking event was an absolute shot in the dark to not spill.  Like stumbling upon a wad of 100-dollar bills, Morris has not been able to cook a clean bowl of oatmeal since.

"Each morning I shake all of those oats and powder into my bowl, run it under the water cooler, and toss it into the microwave for two minutes," Morris said.  "I use the light inside the microwave to watch the oatmeal bubble.  Sometimes I act too late to stop some slop from going over the edge, but I clean it up at least.  I always get blamed for a messy microwave even though it's impossible for oatmeal to shoot up to the ceiling and look like tomato sauce." 

Looks like somebody forgot to put a paper towel on that Lean Cuisine.

A newly self-minted expert on heat conduction and dispersion, Morris said heat transfer journals and books increased his understanding of the forces at work.  "Anyone with half a brain knows that Welty, Wicks, and Wilson were talking about my oatmeal's properties in 'Fundamentals of Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer.' NOTM pressed Morris for further explanation. 

"They claimed that 'A fluid is defined as a substance that deforms continuously under the action of sheer stress' which I also observed when I added too much water," Morris said.  "My oatmeal is the best example of compressibility's effects yet.  Those guys should have used my workday breakfast to better relate to a bunch of college kids."  Morris claimed he has read more than the free preview pages on Amazon.com, but NOTM has no reason to believe him.

Somewhere, someone understands how this graph of thermodynamics applies to a bowl of microwaved oatmeal; and it's not Morris Herlis.

The key to observing a bowl of microwaved oatmeal, Morris said, is to keep the kitchen lights off so the microwave light is not washed out.  Using this revolutionary method, Morris observed that his oatmeal had, in fact, survived 120 consecutive seconds without spillage.  He jumped in the air and pumped his fist.  Unfortunately, no co-workers were in yet so they could not celebrate with him as Morris undoubtedly thinks would have happened. 

Morris opened the door and grabbed his steaming bowl without his trusty heat dispersion paper towels.  Despite the ever-increasing skin burn, Morris tried to carry the bowl to his office by saying, "owww, owwww, hot hot hot."  It was not enough.

Morris dropped his perfect bowl of oatmeal, choosing to make a mess of the hallway instead of third-degree burns.  An hour later, oatmeal was still soaking into the carpet, prompting Steinkatz to say, "looks like you can add this cleaning job to your tomato sauce artwork in the microwave."

NOTM: Man Fails to Receive Google Alerts About Himself for Another Week

Gaithersburg, MD - While trying to figure out if any of the clearance bath rugs were actually worth purchasing at the Target in the Rio, area resident Morris Herlis glanced at his Blackberry and fell into a solemn stupor.

He was a failure in life for yet another week.

An artist's Minesweeper rendition of Morris Herlis' failure to exist in Google's servers.

"I just don't get it," he said.  "Why am I not recognized by the greatest popularity measurement stick?"  Morris was referring to Google's search engine.  He created Google Alerts for any mention of his name on the web, in the news, and in image captions.  "I do all sort of boolean search techniques based on my name and never even get a nod of existence in this world.  What do I have to do, land an airplane on the Hudson River?"

A pretty drastic way to set off Google Alerts about yourself.

Morris admitted to NOTM that he does not do much to increase his presence on the web outside of liking his aunt's vacation pictures on Facebook and ordering tube socks on Amazon.com.

"At least Facebook recognizes that I like things, sometimes other people like the pictures too so they sort of see me.  I'm not invincible ya know.  Or is it invisible?  I never keep those straight.  Whatever Wonder Woman is, that's me.  No wait that didn't come out right."  Morris probably meant her airplane.

How does Wonder Woman find her invisible plane?  Why use it if she's not invisible too?

NOTM visited Google's corporate office website in Mountain View, California.  Unfortunately, the travel budget did not allow for an in-person visit to see if that forwarded email of Google's office is legit.

Nevertheless, NOTM held an in-depth interview with Beth Steinkatz, senior global communications director for international human branding applications analysis for Montgomery County (MD) and Guam, about Morris' plight.

"I don't know who you're talking about," she said.

Beth Steinkatz (not pictured) did not appreciate NOTM's hard, investigative reporting about Google's practices.

After speaking with Morris, he moped along toward the front of the store, knowing that another seven suns had set without an Internet packet mentioning his name; that was until he reached the Target cashier.  

After giving the unnervingly always cheerful red polo-shirted employee his license to verity his credit card payment, he heard, "thanks Mr. Herlis and have a good day."

News of the Minutiae (NOTM): Man Empties Dishwasher In Record Time

Rockville, MD - Area resident Morris Herlis nearly fainted in exhaustion after a perfect performance putting away his dishes, cups, utensils, and bowls on Sunday night.

At 9:12 p.m., after devouring a Foreman grilled steak and microwaved can of corn, Morris found no room to jam his plate into a sink already full of cutlery chaos.  The dishes were piling up and he had to do something.  Something as drastic, life-threatening, and utterly unimpressive as emptying the dishwasher.

In 1956, only four percent of homes had dishwashers.

Morris said, "I just wanted to get it done and well, I concluded that if I moved quickly and put things away faster, it would take less time. Neat concept, right? Kind of like pulling a band-aid off quickly is easier than pealing it away, hair by painful hair."

Morris ripped his Band-Aid with the speed of a sprinter and didn't break anything, displaying the grace of a dancer he's never been confused for. "I was moving fast," he said, "like that Usain Bolt fella and moving like one those people on Dancing With The Stars; one of the ones that isn't like Buzz Aldrin of course."

One way to pre-rinse your plates.

Morris unhinged the dishwasher door and dove right in, ignoring the blast of steam in his face. He wasn't going to be stopped, even when hot cycle temps reach 160 degrees F. 2nd-degree burns be damned. 

In the blink of an eye, plates, cups, and bowls were evacuated to their cabinet shelves.  Morris considered throwing the plates like frisbees, but didn't want to make the jump from amateur to all-madden too soon.  That, and square plates with dried ketchup, because he doesn't pre-wash, don't fly well.

Awwww, so cute!

Next, he grabbed handfuls of utensils, some of which weren't handle side up.  He learned that skin and serrated knife blades don't mix.  Sure, he got blood on some formerly clean forks, spoons, and his one spork from the Maryland House's Roy Rogers, but you also don't stop Baryshnikov to tell him his split-sole ballet shoe is untied either.

At 9:15 his performance began.  1 minute, 48 seconds later the dishwasher door was closed and a man celebrated his fastest dishwasher emptying ever in a blog.

I Ate The Last Non-Oil-Covered Oysters In New Orleans

I made my first visit to New Orleans last month for work and all I have to show for it are pictures of food, food, Bourbon Street, and more food. So please enjoy and salivate.

I expected to be overwhelmed with Saints championship signs, but I only saw this little poster by baggage claim.

So that's what the French Quarter looks like without the vomiting, public urination, and beads.

Bourbon Street was either overrated or I'm just getting older. It wasn't much other than trashy blocks of tourists who are there to make the scene they've heard about. A self-fulfilling night to be sure.

Every bar said it had the strongest drinks in the area, but it seemed like all drinks were wayyyyy watered down. I did what I could to fulfill the scene, but it shouldn't have been impossible to do on a Thursday night.

If you weren't drunk enough last night, here's a bar in the mall serving hurricanes all day.

New Orleans' homecooking is pretty simple…just add shellfish to rice and beans with a little spice. It was tasty, but I wasn't wowed.

Check it out! Who knew you could keep Kosher in this land of oysters, shrimp, crawfish, and crabs.

I tried some Pralines because that's what Wikipedia suggested I do. They were just okay, even all 6 flavors I tried from Southern Candymakers.

Lots of beads and masks to be found.

Chris Paul was much taller in person than I ever expected.

Mmmmm, oysters at Acme Oyster House, also known as the best meal during the four days I was in town. Might be the final Louisiana oysters for a long time.

The charbroiled oysters were spectacular. Finally a meal with some real flavor.

The two dozen oysters I ate weren't anywhere close to getting me on this board. I'd have to eat 15 dozen. The record is held by IFOCE Sonya Thomas who downed 52 dozen in a little over 10 minutes.

The shortest escalator I've ever seen…

…that is until I saw a picture of this one in the Garden State Plaza Mall in my NJ neck of the woods.

I swung by Mothers for a 50/50 po'boy – ½ fried oysters and ½ fried shrimp. It was good, but again, it only tasted how I expected it to taste. There are no surprises with New Orleans cooking.

A steamboat on the Mississippi? Who knew.

That tugboat's heading straight for that shark fin!

A sole saxophonist playing along the Mississippi's Riverwalk.

Walking a mile in the heat and humidity to eat Café' du Monde was worth it.

I didn't know what a beignet was before this trip, but I sure am happy that I do now.

Café du Monde's food offerings consist of the fried dough and powdered sugar concoctions. I had no trouble finishing them off.

A final sunrise on the mighty Mississippi before heading home.