Who Knew You Could Sample the Clinique Counter On Metro?

I have never had the greatest olfactory sense, but my SO’s sniffer snuffs out the faintest of smells. This hasn’t worked in my favor when I try to get away with certain things, and has also made her prone to sensory overload when something comes our way that even I recognize as smelling too strong. The other day we were riding up a Metro escalator when we came upon a man who was unaware of what a shower could do for him. As long as I’ve been alive, showers have successfully cleansed people and even improved their scent. The addition of cologne and perfume is supposed to be in moderation as most everyone realizes that cologne and perfume are very potent. You could easily do without it, but it’s fine to go above and beyond the smell your flufa and body wash supply. Unluckily for us, the escalator rider in front had taken a cologne bath. I don’t know his brand, but it didn’t matter. Your face/neck area is supposed to receive one or two sprays, not one or two ounces.

The uglier/weirder the cologne bottle, the cheaper/worse it's going to smell.

My SO smelled him about 20 steps away and I made the same discovery 10 steps later. We were trapped with no exit route or emergency escalator slide to avoid his presence. We booked it like step aerobics instructors with too much caffeine and held our breath from five steps before Calvin Klein’s #1 customer until we were five steps ahead. My SO was a little overwhelmed by the man’s scent so we pushed forward and kept stepping (not this kind of stepping) until we exited the escalator well before the man, who gave Pig-Pen some competition, made it to the top.

The police sketch artist's rendering based on my description.