Last Minute Idiot of the Year Entry

I give Farris Hassan "credit" for his idealism and thoughts of helping out others, but this is a dumb way to get there. It's summed up pretty well in the first paragraph of this AP article:

Maybe it was the time the taxi dumped him at the Iraq-Kuwait border, leaving him alone in the middle of the desert. Or when he drew a crowd at a Baghdad food stand after using an Arabic phrase book to order. Or the moment a Kuwaiti cab driver almost punched him in the face when he balked at the $100 fare. But at some point, Farris Hassan, a 16-year-old from Florida, realized that traveling to Iraq by himself was not the safest thing he could have done with his Christmas vacation.

Hi, my name is Farris. I am out of touch with reality, dangerously naive, and while we're at it, I'm pretty stupid.

Yep, as part of his "immersion journalism" class, he immersed himself in the middle of one of world's most volatile places. Hello? McFly? Are you there? Really, how stupid is this kid? The article contains such naive nuggets of gold like:

• "If they'd let me in from Kuwait, I probably would have died," he acknowledged. "That would have been a bad idea." (Oh really? And by a bad idea you mean in that you would have died, right? What was your first clue?)

• "And I'm like, 'Well, I should probably be going.' It was not a safe place. The way they were looking at me kind of freaked me out," he said. (You only NOW realiezed it's not a safe place?)

• Hassan accepted being turned over to authorities as the safest thing to do, but seemed to accept the idea more readily over time. (If I were one of the U.S. embassy forces, I would have slapped the back of his head and kept calling him an idiot for having had to use so many people to find this kid in the first place.)

• Farris Hassan says he thinks a trip to the Middle East is a healthy vacation compared with a trip to Colorado for holiday skiing. (You've got to be kidding me!)

• "You go to, like, the worst place in the world and things are terrible," he said. "When you go back home you have such a new appreciation for all the blessing you have there, and I'm just going to be, like, ecstatic for life." (Farris, how about your be ecstatic that you still have your life?)

• His mother, however, sees things differently. (I bet she does.)

• "I don't think I will ever leave him in the house alone again," she said. "He showed a lack of judgment." (Looks like it's time for some homeschooling.)

So this is what the 21st century offers?

I'd like to welcome myself to the world of 21st century videogame systems. That's right, I did the deed and got my formerly "next generation of videogames" cherry popped last night. It only took a few trips to the store, but I finally got my XBox. A few weeks ago I was going to buy a new xbox and the controller for $150, but thought I'd wait and see if the price would go down after Channukah (or xmas). Well it didn't and in the meantime, Microsoft pulled/stopped shipping the basic Xbox package. Instead, they only shipped the "Forza Package" which includes the conosle, controller, and Forza Motorsports. This costs $180 so now it was either this package for a game I, at first, didn't care for, or buy a used one for around $130 sans game.

On a tip from a friend, I checked out the local CD Game Exchange in Rockville who happened to have one basic used console for $110. I asked what they do to check the product and the guy said they play it for 15-20 minutes. There' s a 7-day return policy, but little did they know, they'd have it back in 2 hours. I set it up in the apartment and went to load my saved games. Apparently none of the 15 previously saved games/information were removed. Not a good sign. Then, the controller was full of crumbs or something so I couldn't smoothly press the buttons. Finally, it had trouble reading my portable memory card. I called them to let them know what was wrong and I was on my way back. The guy offered a replacement controller, but the damage was done. I sucked it up, relinquished my "cheapo depot" nickname and bought the Forza package from the Gamestop down the street.

One reason I didn't mind getting a new one besides it being brand new, is the Forza game is (according to reviews) the best racing game on Xbox. It straddles the line between simulation and arcade racing, which is about how deep I'd get into a game these days anyway. It seems to have a lot of cool features and definitely looks great. If all goes well, it'll be the first racing game I'll really get into since Need For Speed 2 on PC from 1998. Another reason getting a new one is better, is that it virtually guarentees there will be no problems when my friend (cough) "improves" the current hardware. I got a wireless controller as a gift last weekend so I should be ready to go. It'll be great running over people and shooting pedestrians once again in GTA3.

It'll Forever Be "Time to make the donuts"

Cops, Homer Simpson, and coffee aficionados should hold a moment of silence for Michael Vale, the Dunkin' Donuts ad actor who passed away this morning in NYC from diabetes complications. The 83-year-old was "Fred the Baker" for 15 years until retiring in 1997. He appeared in more than 1,300 commercials! Including several appearances on "3-2-1 Contact" as Soapy Suds. Who knew?

I have always been a Dunkin' Donuts kind of guy. I tried Krispy Kreme a few times and the only palatable flavor is the regular glazed. However, lots of DD offerings do the trick for me. While the coconut shavings and glazed with sprinkles flavors are solid bets, the best is the Boston Kreme. I won't even make an argument for it b/c it doesn't need one (and my fingers hurt). There are no other donuts even close its greatness. Mmmmm...donuts.....

Overheard In New York and the Office

By increasing my blog perusing these days, I've found Overheard In New York. It's a nifty (yes, I just wrote nifty) blog that reports short conversations New Yawkas overhear on the subway, street, elevator, etc. I think it's fascinating since I've always loved listening in on the conversation of strangers and then try putting it into coherent context. And don't tell me you don't also love hearing other people's conversations, there's a little nosiness in all of us.

From Overheard In New York, I also started reading Overheard In The Office. Same premise, different environment. I know I'm behind in the blog reading world, but I'll slowly catch up.

Awwwwwww

I'm so cute you won't notice your least favorite blogger returns next week.

New Jersey High Schools and Steroids

Acting Governor Richard J. Codey signed an executive order on Tuesday, permitting random testing of NJ high school athletes for steroids. NJ is the first state to have such testing and for at least one day, New Jersey will be known for leading the nation in a good thing. Until tomorrow that is, when the jokes about my state smelling return.

An East Coast Governator signs for steroid testing.

Beginning in the 2006-7 school year, it will cover all 31 cahampionship sports (wow, 31!), though only test players in 2006-7 post season play. The testing method and penalties haven't been decided yet, but this is certainly a welcome move. I was always curious how some of my fellow students got so jacked-up when it seemed we were spending the same amount of time playing sports or lifting weights.

Steroid testing is a nice move and may scare a couple of kids away, but the reality is it won't stop the majority of users. The reward far outweighs the risk so why not use it if you don't mind sacrificing your long-term health? By testing only those athletes in the post season, it doesn't mean that you've insured legal athletes win titles. What about those kids who use and compete in the regular season, thereby altering the regular season results because they're literally not on a level playing field as the legal athletes? The testing needs more teeth.

If I'm willing to take steroids, I would continue using them all season long because I won't be tested unless I succeed enough to make the post season. Then, if I get caught, so be it, but why not try and get by? The testing doesn't stop juiced athletes from affecting the outcome of regular season games - which of course determine who gets to play for a championship. The problem is if a juiced athlete is caught in the regular season, there's no way to "do over" the regular season that they excelled in by cheating. You can't make the legit athlete who's not in the post season feel better by simply kicking out the juiced athlete in the playoffs. This steroid testing should be season-long, otherwise regular season contests will continue awarding the juiced ones.

Your Anonymous Postcard Secrets

One of the best blogs out there is the Postcard Secrets blog. Every Sunday, the blogger, Frank, in Germantown, MD, posts 20-30 new postcards. These aren't your touristy "Wish You Were Here" kind of cards. Instead these cards detail incredibly personal feelings of love, anger, sadness, humor, etc. One postcard will make you laugh, while the next will make you feel sorrow for someone's despair.

It's a fascinating and quick read that I highly reccomend. Oh, and I'm not trying to convey any secret messages from the postcards I chose, they're just the easiest ones to read in my blog's space configuration. As the website states:

You are invited to anonymously contribute your secrets to PostSecret. Each secret can be a regret, hope, funny experience, unseen kindness, fantasy, belief, fear, betrayal, erotic desire, feeling, confession, or childhood humiliation. Reveal anything - as long as it is true and you have never shared it with anyone before.

There's a gallery exhibition of postcards in Georgetown going on for another two weeks so I might check it out next week.

Deal or No Deal is Kind of a No Deal

With no other viable options last night at 8, I gave "Deal or No Deal" a chance - and that's all it's going to get. The game show has a contestant choose one briefcase from 26, each worth $0.01 to $1,000,000. The person is then intermittently offered money from this ridiculous "Banker" to either take, or stay with their chosen briefcase in order to hold out for more offers or until the end to see its contents. In between offers, the contestant chooses various briefcases to see their contents, all the while getting a better idea of his/her chances of getting a big payout as the Banker changes his offers. The show works off of the contestant's greediness and blind luck.

Go ahead and feel good about yourself since this is all luck anyway.

The set has all of the dramatic lights and bass-heavy music you'd expect a primetime game show to have (thanks "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"). It wasn't as over the top as Millionaire because there was no circle of spotlights to focus in a dramatic swoop, but the floors were nice and shiny. Speaking of shiny, Howie Mandel and his bald head hosted the show without much fanfare. He wasn't spectacular but also didn't add to the excitement. I've always liked Howie and heard some of his humor during the show, like when a contestant didn't get his sarcasm and Howie said, "yeah, that would be the joke." I'd let Howie have more comedic room to make fun of, I mean, work with the out-of-touch-with-reality contestants.

Please match the model to her IQ.

I don't think the show will have the staying power or incredible popularity that Millionaire had when it first aired (though this is a popular Australian transplant (whose version sounds much more interesting)) . This show is more about blind luck than anything else, while Millionaire is well-designed. By starting with very easy questions, Millionaire lets the viewer feel smart until they reach significant values. The show's strength is in its question variety that would always touch on at least one viewer's area of expertise. Then, when the question was asked, we'd feel smart because it was "soooo easy" for us, but because it was random, it'd stump the contestant. It also helped having multiple choices so everyone felt like they had a fighting chance to pick correctly. "Deal or No Deal" is popular, but if only because of its simplicity for the masses.

Seriously, you can't beat my fake smile after a contestant makes a joke.

Deal or No Deal's strategy solely relies upon how greedy someone wants to be. Last night, the female contestant was offered $138,000 with $300k and $500k left on the board. She passed on the offer and eventually finished with $25k. What gets me about the show is how easy it is to finish with a few thousand dollars for essentially doing nothing, while other shows like Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune at least make you work for it. For the most part, you're in a fair amount of control of how you'll do in those two shows. Meanwhile, Deal or No Deal gives you little control in your result unless you're deciding on a Banker's offer. Outside of that, you have no control over your tally since picking random briefcases is just that - random. The game also lends itself to longer turns because there is little incentive to walk away early when you'll have better offers the longer you stay, until there are a handful of briefcases.

I can't believe I'm writing this much about a show I didn't care for, but I can't stop myself....

You know my fingers will smell like chicken when I remove them from my armpits.

The Banker guy is shown as a silhouette perched above the stage who "makes" this awkwardly silly call to Howie to report the next offer. I think they should do away with this whole scheme. Watching Howie listen on the phone really isn't entertaining. The phone prop looks really cheap with one little 20-W light bulb acting as the call signal. Why not just give Howie the offers in an IFB and have him comedically/dramatically tell the contestant? The banker guy has no voice or character (haha) so why have him there at all? The producers would be better off having a different celebrity act as the banker each night and put their own twist on it. Then, weak viewers would tune in to see that night's surprise banker.

Let's hug after we turned down $138k.

Of course, like any reality/game show, the details are in the closing credits (for example: Trump's weekly decision is decided beforehand with help from the producers). The "mysterious" banker is really the producer(s) and the "high security" vault we're shown at the start was "scripted for dramatic purposes." Not that it mattered since any vault on a sound stage isn't going to be your first choice to store your great-grandmother's necklace. While we're talking about deceiving appearances, is there any point to having identically-dressed, not-so-hot models hold and open the briefcases? Though it is fun watching Howie awkwardly speak with any of them for more than a few seconds.

That's my super secret vault behind me...until you read the fine print to learn it's fake and the producers knew what briefcase had what value the whole time.

Perhaps this is the show's crux, but I found myself rooting against last night's contestant after she turned down the $138k, telling her how dumb she was and deserved the lower sums for being so greedy. Did I feel better about myself? A little and I can see myself yelling at the screen night after night. I know nothing about math theory, but when the briefcase is first chose, it's a 1 in 30 shot of having the highest cash and 1 in 6 of having a 6-digit amount. As the briefcases are opened, we're told of the contestant's likelihood of having a high amount. So with 4 cases left, it's 1 in 4, but in reality, it's still the 1 in 30 from the start, meaning, as we've seen in every episode this week, no contestant ever has a value over $100k so it pays to take the cash after opening at least 20.

NBC offered an interactive game where you text a guess which briefcase is a separate secret one, but even if you get it right, you have to be randomly selected among the winners. It's a decent idea to get viewers involved, but not enough for me. I won't watch the show from the start again, but over the next week, if I'm flipping through with no other options, and someone is very far along, my curiosity might get peaked, but there isn't enough substance to keep me regularly coming back.

Of course, this is just my two cents. Sorry, so very sorry about that pun.

Gary's Staying With Us For A Long Time

Maryland's men's basketball coach has signed a new contract that could extend into 2013 if certain academic (it's not like MD and every other school wouldn't look past these issues if the team does really well) and performance measurements are reached.

My deodorant maker and dry cleaner will also be in business through 2013.