I Sure Love Hitting Night Traffic

I went back home to the tri-state area this weekend for some homecooking and to see the dog (and I guess my parents too). When I make the weekend trip, I usually leave around 8 PM to miss the usual rush hour traffic. A typical ride home takes about 4 hours with a stop or two, but Friday night's journey added another 45 minutes to that total.

Just before I got on the Beltway, I listened to the traffic report that made no mention of any problems, so I figured it would be another smooth ride. Suddenly around Silver Spring, traffic backed up for what seemed like a mile after a fender-bender in one of the right lanes. That's fine since it happens and we all like to look at it, etc. Traffic picked up for about a minute before coming to a complete halt.

I listen to the good'ol WTOP traffic report on the 8's and learned that I was in bumper-to-bumper traffic because 95 north was closed around rt. 212. Cars that wanted to go there were being turned around and directed onto 95 south (which was closed 15 minutes later as well).

Crap, just what I need.

I knew I'd arrive late, but this really made things worse. I stayed in the left lane for a bit and tried thinking of alternative routes since I lived around the area and had some ideas. Well, on the traffic report, the BW Parkway was backed up, as was Rt. 1, and most of the other exits on the way to the 95 north exit. Then, the report had a good suggestion, continue on the inner loop and take Rt. 50 East to 97 up to Baltimore. I got a little worried b/c I thought I was on rt. 50 longer than necessary, but it worked well as I took the harbor tunnel and rejoined 95 and eventually made it home safely. Of note on this trip is that my car broke the 1,000-mile barrier. Ya gotta love achievements like that in a brand new car.

This added lots of time to my trip, but I really feel for the out-of-towners who didn't know the local news radio station, nor any of the alternate routes. I guess it goes to show that when you're driving on unfamiliar roads, you should research what stations have traffic reports so you're not stuck in Maryland when you're trying to get to that hot summer tourist destination that is New Jersey - no really, you could visit the greatest concentration of diners in the country.

Mmmm...International Federation of Competitive Eating

After an eventful post-work afternoon, I managed to find my way to ESPN2 to watch the first round of the US Open of competitive Eating. It was held in the second week of July, though the first round wasn't aired until last night, with the remaining rounds airing tonight and tomorrow - Isn't cable wonderful? The first round features plates of cheese fries from the ESPNZone in Las Vegas. The rules are simple: Whoever eats the most cheese fries in 5 minutes moves on to the next round to "enjoy" some other delicacy like spaghetti and meatballs. Just like the NCAA basketball tournament, there are has single elimination matches. As in the famous hot dog eating contest held on July 4th at Coney Island, the most important rule is a contestant is eliminated when he or she experiences a "Reversal of Fortune", also known as throwing up, regurgitation, barfing, vomiting, puking, spewing, upchucking, and disgorging, etc.

Takeru Kobayashi and Sonya Thomas are perennial favorites in the tournament. Kobayashi is known for the hot dog record of 53.5 dogs and buns in 12 minutes while Sonya holds the American record around 34. The profiles of the top 20 eaters are as interesting as they are disgusting. Some records I've come to appreciate (since all of us could recreate these at home ) include:

• 7 quarter-pound sticks, salted butter in 5 minutes
• 49 glazed donuts in 8 minutes
• 65 Hard Boiled Eggs in 6 minutes, 40 seconds (by Sonya no less)
• Hamentaschen - 50 traditional Purim cookies in 6 minutes (my favorite)
• Ice Cream - 1 gallon, 9 ounces of vanilla ice cream in 12 minutes (not for a lactard like myself)
• Matzo Balls, 21 baseball-sized in 5 minutes 25 seconds
• 4 32-ounce bowls mayonnaise in 8 minutes
  

When you look at the top eaters in the world (like Kobayashi above), it's surprising that several of them look in good shape considering the calories they inhale each contest. Further, with Kobayashi's hot dog dominance, it's any wonder why the larger contestants like Eric "Badlands" Booker don't do better. The medical theory is that thinner contestants have less fat around their stomach so it can expand further than the stomachs of heavier contestants, which have more fat around that area. The extra fat makes it more difficult to stomach (sorry about the pun) anymore food, while the skinny people can keep going. Eating contests are huge events in Japan so many "athletes" compete over there most of the year, but the prize money has been increasing in the states.

I love watching these contests and wouldn't mind finding out just how much food I could eat in one sitting if I pushed myself. I think some contestants simply choose foods nobody else has tried in order to get another record. There's no record for oreo cookies or slices of bread, so I'll just make my own rules and set the eating record by default. Also, what happens to these people in the 24 hours following a contest? Do they make themselves experience a "reversal of fortune" or simply deal with the digestive agony all day long? I know I'm not the only one fascinated by the post-contest results.

Dumb Rules In Sports

Yesterday, an article about the dumbest rules in sports was published and made some pretty good points. Some of them are for the sake of comedy, but most are right on. I agree with lots of their ideas wouldn't mind seeing some of the sports try the new rules in the preseason or in their developmental leagues to see how things play out. A few additional changes (I'm sure I'll come across other ones, but for now this will do) that I've thought of are:

• Football refs that say, "false start, before the snap..." Well of course it's before the snap so why tell us that when it can only occur before the snap? (I'm splitting hairs, I know)
  
• Minimize the number of times a pitcher can look off or throw over to a base to hold a runner. Sure the runner returns to the bag each time, but each time after that the runner takes the same lead. Plus, it's rare for someone to get picked-off anyway.
  
• The time it takes for an NFL ref to review a challenged play takes far too long. How many times do you have to see the play when all of us at home can determine it in 30 seconds? If it's not clear right away, then it's inconclusive and the field call stands.
• Why is time an inexact science at the end of a football game. Within reason, players can slowly walk to the line to kill more time and some time is lost while the ref finally places the ball to be snapped.
• Why does tennis continue using its odd scoring cycle of 15, 30, 40 and then deuce? It's okay to break from the past if the present is better.
  
• Any sport that uses subjective judging to determine the winner has to be questioned. Why would anyone compete in a sport that determines its winner by someone else's opinion? Figure skating and gymnastics come to mind in addition to boxing.
• College football weekly polls should be eliminated altogether or at least take away the curtain of silence to see who voted and how they did. I know they're sharing a little more information this year with the voting process, but it's too secretive.
• Speaking of secretive voting processes, induction into the Halls of Fame in the 3 main sports (hockey lost its position as a 4th) is too anonymous. It should be known who the voters are and how they voted. Otherwise, players who may have been blackballed, etc., will have no recourse to debate otherwise.
  

More about the heat index

For the next two days, it REALLY is going to be hot in DC with temperatures up to 100 (though cooler on Thursday). With this in mind, here's an article about calculating the annoyingly pointless heat index. For some reason, I've decided that tomorrow will be the first time I play an officiated softball game in my life. It's also for my company and of course it's also a doubleheader, just my luck.

Too hot to write...

...well, it's not too hot in my apartment for me to write, but people out west sure have it rougher than DC this weekend. I like this polar bear's idea of a snack - a fish popsicle. Maybe we should just make all of our food into popsicles to combat the heat.

Voda the polar bear holds a frozen fish popsicle in her mouth as zookeepers ply the bear with frozen treats to keep the animal cool at the Denver Zoo, as the temperature rises above 100 degrees for the fifth day in a row in Denver, Friday, July 22, 2005. Forecasters predict that the temperatures in the Denver Area will cool slightly over the weekend only to increase again as workers return to their jobs on Monday. (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)

Forget The Heat Index, It's Just Hot Outside

It's safe to say the DC area is securely in the midst of its sweat-through-your-work-clothes-while-driving-home summer period. I'm sure my dry cleaners love this time since just about anything you wear for any length of time outside will need a good cleaning. The only good from this heat is you find out just how good or bad your deodorant is against the oppressive heat. My tried and true brand hasn't failed me in the four years I've used it, though I won't get into the business of product placement/promotion unless I get compensated for this (hint) "Cool Wave" scented protection.

According to my friends and trusted weatherfolk at Capitalweather.com, the heatwave's end won't happen for at least another week. Sure, I'll still play ultimate frisbee downtown on Sunday, but I had better bring lots of water. One of the many things I like about getting my weather from capitalweather.com, is they don't waste our time by listing the "heat index". Does anyone really care about the heat index? If the temperature is above 85, it's going to be hot, so all we need to know is if there'll be no or a lot of humidity.

The heat index tells (those who actually care) what the outdoor temperature feels like when you factor in the dew point (essentially humidity) level. Great, just great. So it's going to be 94 today, yet our local weatherperson let's us know with the humidity, it's going to feel like 99. Wow, that really changed my clothing plans for the day. Ya know, at first I thought if it's going to be 94, I'll just wear my wool sweater and dress slacks, but now that my annoyingly teased radio/TV weatherperson said it's going to feel like 99, I guess NOW I should think about shorts and a t-shirt. Please.

Does the heat index really do anything more than add to water cooler/awkward elevator talk in the office? I think that if It's going to be in the 90's for the next week, that's enough for people to go on when deciding their plans. All I want to know each day is the temperature, any chance of rain, and if it's going to very humid. Sure, the heat index combines the temperature and humidity readings, but 96 with no humidity is more comfortable than 90 "that feels like 96", so that doesn't really clear things up for me. Plus, if the temperature is 90 and the heat index pushes it to 96, the average listener/viewer like myself doesn't know if that means it'll be a little or very humid.

For the record, this is not me (nor will there ever be any pictures of me on this blog), but some random picture of someone sweaty courtesy of google images.

I bet the heat index was created by radio and TV meteorologists to improve their banter with the show's anchor. The anchorperson says, "so it looks like we'll reach 90 today." Of course everyone on air must keep their huge egos in tact so the meteorologist must sound smart and retorts with, "that's right, but you must factor in the heat index, so the real temperature is closer to 95."

I'm sorry, but if it's 90 in the summer, the heat index does not make any difference other than it's incredibly hot outside so dress accordingly.

Imelda Marcos' Shoes Were Ahead Of Their Time

Imelda Marcos really is a hero to many women around the world for her shoe collection. The shoe collection even has its own freakin' museum! With that in mind, I have yet to figure out why every woman in the states and our friends in Europe loves shoes. I recognize they are needed to protect your feet from the harsh elements, and it's true that they usually "complete an outfit" so they must be chosen correctly, or else undo any great outfit you're wearing. I clearly understand the need to have shoes that match or "go with" some outfits, but do you really need more than 7 pairs for all of the clothes in your closet?

Call me a simpleton (which some women think all men are), but a guy buys a pair of dress shoes that cover a multitude of clothing options. We don't buy one pair for just one pair of jeans, but instead buy a pair because it can be used in many ways. Call us frugal if you will, but I think it's good shopping sense and self-control. Sure, women are good at finding great looking clothes to wear, but when they shop for shoes they always/automatically buy the pair - even if it's only worn with that one blouse from H&M with a lifetime "wearage" of about 3 nights out. Not to mention even if the shoes hurt a woman's feet, she'll still buy it if it looks great.

This topic is on my mind after I read that the average woman spends almost $54,000 on shoes in her lifetime (yes, I converted pounds to dollars). While this is another useless study done more for water cooler conversations than advancing our society, it is still quite shocking. The article goes on to say, "One third of women say they have 25 pairs of shoes in their wardrobe, and around 1.3 million women claim to have well over 30 pairs, according to research carried out by the Churchill Home Insurance group." Also, 86% of women buy at least one pair a month and 80% said they own at least 10 belts.

Do you really need that many accessories? I'll admit men's clothing is usually simple with fewer colors and easier choices, but why can't women follow our intelligent lead? I know that I don't have the sharpest eye for fashion, but I don't stray too far off the beaten path for my clothes. My shoe collection is made of 6 pairs that include a pair of: sneakers, basketball shoes, cleats, black dress shoes, and 2 pairs of brown dress shoes. I guess you could say I have 7 pairs if you count my slippers. With these 7 pairs, I have accounted for all of my clothes, from the formal business attire to playing basketball or soccer. I own 2 black belts and 1 brown belt. Again, those cover all my clothes.

Maybe it's because I haven't broadened my fashion sense beyond the chains in the mall, but there just can't be that great of a need for multiple pairs of shoes and lots of belts. Perhaps I should realize it's just another unexplained thing about women that men are destined to never understand.

Harry Potter, you're 15 years too late for me

Unless you've been living in a cave, the biggest news this weekend was the release of the latest "Harry Potter" book. By the way, why is that phrase about living in a cave even used when our ancestors from a long, long, long, time ago probably lived in a cave and were well aware of current news events and pop culture? Yet now, we use it as a negative phrase and dishonor the people who really had a large impact in who we are today. But I digress.

The latest episode in the series has already set all sorts of publishing records from largest pre-publishing (10.8 million) to largest weekend, and on and on as the weeks and months finish. If it has sold almost 7 million copies in its first 24 hours, how many people are left to purchase the book? As the linked article says, the book will generate more money this weekend than two newly-released movies!

The fact that there were millions of pre-ordered books is what astounds me with this entire series of wizardry. There are so many children actually excited about reading, which is certainly a great thing, but it's something that I never experienced growing-up. Amongst my friends, only a small minority really enjoyed reading books. It's safe to say we never got overly-excited for the latest "Hardy Boys" book to be published. I don't think I've even read any of the "Hardy Boys" books.

Despite my love of writing, I really don't read any books, though I know I probably should. I certainly make it a point to read my weekly "Sports Illustrated" (one of the best magazines in the country), but it's obviously not the same as a novel, be it "Harry Potter" or otherwise. From elementary school through 12th grade, I saw books as required unenjoyable readings about which we'd have to write reports. This is not to say that I didn't learn from the books I read, but there was and forever will be, no joy from reading a book you're forced to, instead of a book you're reading for pleasure.

Certainly, as an esteemed member of society, I can read any book I want and not write a report to discuss the author's statement on society or how the main character's use of the third person represented the discord he has with his own life. I know there are many enjoyable books out there, like "Harry Potter" (and plenty of adults enjoy the series as well), but I tend to fall asleep reading books. Maybe it's the lack of pictures, or maybe it's because I'm already tired and lying on my bed while reading doesn't equate to helping me stay awake. Perhaps I don't want to read someone else's story so I take it upon myself to write my own - yet another reason why I always took great enjoyment in my creative writing classes in middle school. If you don't like how someone is doing something, just do it yourself.

I admit there were a few books in college that I was interested in so I actually read every word, but the majority didn't fall into that category so I skimmed the text, picking up the key phrases that moved the story along. If the book interests me, I give it my full attention, otherwise, my mind goes elsewhere. My whole take on books is ironic since my father has always had at least 2 or 3 books borrowed from the library (while my mom always read a book at the beach) and he has said I should try books again now that there's no pressure on me. I know he'll be correct, just as he is with any advice for life I've received from him, but I won't get there for a few more years.

Basically, I'm writing to say that had "Harry Potter" come along back when I was around 10, I would have enjoyed reading books (yes, I said I'd like to read a book with words and no pictures) more than I do today. My sister enjoyed "The Babysitter's Club" series, but books just never worked for me. I know for a fact that if reading "Harry Potter" books was the cool thing to do because everyone was doing it, well then I would have just had to do my own reading so I could participate in the conversation. Just like seeing the big movie of the season, not so much because it's a great flick, but because you want to be able to talk about it. Though the "Harry Potter" books are as small as 300, the later editions reach 600-800 pages - I find these totals overwhelming and would never have read them all the way through.

Nevertheless, I am pleased to see this generation of kids going out of their way to read books, even ones over 600 pages long (while I was always a big fan of picture books not longer than 20 pages like "The Berenstein Bears"). Some critics have complained (since it's what they do) that J.K. Rowling's writing doesn't do enough to help improve vocabulary, etc., but that's nonsense when the bigger issue is the great job the books have done to get kids to read in the first place and turn off the TV, videogames, and Internet.

The next move for publishers is finding the next series of books to fill the void once Rowling is finished and keep this generation of kids reading. My next move is to actually try a book that I want to read now that I won't have to write a report. Suggestions are welcome.

The BORF Graffiti Mystery Explained & Life As A Scavenger Hunt

As I have made my way around the inner loop of the beltway for the last few weeks, I have noticed some graffiti on the divider near the American Legion Bridge. It reads, "BORF" and has some miscellaneous letters like "LAZF" afterward. I had no idea what it was nor who wrote it. Then, the Washington Post reported that the "artist" who wrote BORF all over the DC area was caught. 18-year-old John Tsombikos was arrested on Wednesday for defacing many important and not so important pieces of property around these parts. He marked everything from the Roosevelt Bridge to a random garbage can and lightpost.

He said he was making political statements and the like, but I don't think they came across that well. I didn't really mind the markings since they weren't on my property. Some DC folks enjoyed playing a game to see where his work would be found next. I'm sure I would have enjoyed it too had I heard about it. This is reminiscent of the "All your base are belong to us" writings from a few years ago. That one I enjoyed since I was "in" on the game of finding the next appearance.

(I'm not sure why the following was even written, but my mind tends to wander so bare with me)

Perhaps life itself is a scavenger hunt in which we're all hunting for different things. Whether we're actively trying to find means for more money and material goods, or finding avenues to experience certain emotions, each day is filled with scavenger hunts that we must figure out how to complete. To maintain a a quality of life and buy things we need and desire, we go to work to help us reach that goal, just as we begin social and professional friendships, as well as romantic relationships to experience emotions. When an undesired emotion is felt, we start looking for ways to feel differently, thereby starting our hunt over with a new strategy.

I've run out of philosophical steam for now so I'm going to quit while I'm ahead (or maybe I'm really behind). Anyway, it's Friday and time for a nap.